Worry Alert

This edition of my blog was going to be about my days working at KidNation Childcare, but I am temporarily shelving that subject for a later post.  Tonight I went to a late movie.  I saw the film, "Top Five".  It was written and directed by Chris Rock.  It had a good cast, and you could tell that Jay-Z and Kayne West had their share in producing it with all the n-bombs in it.  Despite that, I didn't mind the film.  I needed an escape.

I had some struggles last night with battling the old with new.  What I mean by this is that I wanted to sort through some feelings using old methods of handling them.  I was in that mode the past couple of days where I didn't want to speak up because it would cause too many ripples.  It is kind of like where you have your conscience on your shoulders.  You know what I mean, one voice on one side saying to just close your mouth because you'll upset someone, and the other side saying tell them what you think because you should be proud of what you are feeling.  As you have been following my blog, you can tell what my new direction is when choosing between the two options, but it is difficult.  I am still committed to being the new versus the old, but it is going to take a little bit of time and support.  I am not too patient when it comes to this type of thing as I want to be changed and be the new model as quickly as the newest iPhone.

So, as I have a lot of family holiday issues happening, I am worried.  I have had the time for the past few weeks to face some of these issues head on.  Come January 12th, however, I have three college courses starting up.  I am worried that this family "drama" is going to pull me down with my classes. Don't get me wrong, I am still going to stand my ground with my position on things, but it will make me sad if I struggle with focusing on my courses because the blame I am currently assigned with.  In the past two weeks I have received voicemails of yelling, accusations, and threats and it is not sitting well with me and that is why I needed the escape of a movie tonight.

I like to deal with things using humor, as I have mentioned before.  It is another escape for me.  My latest work being a PG version of a Jeopardy game at work that I usually only perform in the summer to celebrate the end of a school year.  The one at the end of the year is a little more "free" we will call it and it is more of a rated R version.  Right now, I don't know if I have it in me to write and perform the annual gameshow in June because of the toll of what the last couple of weeks has taken on me.  I know June is six months away and the last couple of weeks were just "a couple of weeks", so we'll see what happens.  As of right now, it is not looking good.  I don't see this battle with my family ending soon, unfortunately, but I am still going keep expressing my feelings openly because I feel that is the healthiest for me.  My next post will share my KidNation experiences and that should be an interesting read.  

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