Parkland, Florida

For those of you who know, I am somebody that will relay the advice to not make a decision based on impulsive feelings.  When something impacts you, it is not the time to make a big decision.  I am never a fan of overreacting, and I think that is why I took some time before making my feelings truly known about the horrific tragedy in Florida on Valentine's Day.  I take school safety very seriously.  It is a big part of my job, but also something that I am passionate about.  It is this passion that led me to becoming a certified instructor with the ALICE Training Institute.

Whenever such a tragedy happens, I tend to give it a lot of my personal attention because I really try to examine the thinking behind such a poor choice, what the motivations are, and what were the warning signs.  It really breaks my heart to see a school in 2018 having to be emptied like Columbine was 19 years ago today.  When you put those video clips side-by-side, they look identical and they happened almost two decades apart.  This tells me that not enough has been done. I am not going political in this discussion, because this isn't a political issue.  It is, instead, a safety issue.  There is no reason to make it more complex than it needs to be.  In Minnesota, we have carry and conceal laws for guns, which I have no problem with.  I know many hunters that use hunting rifles, and I am good with it.  In the last two months after the tragedy in Parkland, Florida, I have been looking for anyone to answer a question I had.  Whether that question be answered by law enforcement, private citizens, specialty groups or organizations, or most importantly, the politicians themselves, I have not had my question about the purpose or need of assault weapons in society.  I am in the belief, that those high powered weapons, that are designed to kill, should only be legal for the military and law enforcement.  I don't care what political affiliation anybody supports, I just want someone to answer my question, what is a good reason for a person not in law enforcement or the military to have access to assault weapons?

If the tragedy in Florida wasn't heartbreaking enough, the discussions and actions that were taking place afterwards were encouraging and motivating, but then the favored suggestion as an action to combat these tragedies was to arm teachers.  I absolutely do not understand this thinking.  In fact, the only conclusion that I came to was that the leaders we have, that have the most power and in many cases the loudest voices, have not worked one day with students or in a school.  I work in a high needs school where many of the students I have worked with have experienced extensive trauma.  When I work with a student that is triggered from an event that reminds them of past trauma, it sometimes becomes a very dicey and intense situation in an attempt to de-escalate them.  Now, my leaders expect me to carry a gun on my hip?  Come on, they can't be serious.

I completely agree that there is a mental health crisis in this nation and our youth may be the age bracket in the most dire need of help.  I am not exactly sure how our society got to this point.  I do know that there are not enough mental health facilities and professionals to address all the needs.  Our leaders, those ones with the most power and loudest voices, need to be responsible and make this a top priority.  It is the right thing to do.  It is easy to be critical about what you would do in a safety crisis, until you have experienced it.  When I went through my active shooter training, I had a bad headache from the stress after my first scenario, and that was a just a simulation.  When our leader states that he would've went in there after the shooter in Parkland, it just showed me his complete lack of knowledge on the topic.

I also want to address the topic about the bucket of rocks I think a Pennsylvania school mentioned about having in the classrooms.  This idea was completely written off right away as many people thought or took it as a joke as they laughed it off.  I think the point they were making was the fact that if an active shooter were to enter your classroom, the idea is to throw items at the shooter to decrease the possibility of the shooter getting accurate shots.  If you can throw the shooter off, it usually results in lives being saved and I think this bucket of rocks idea really didn't get a fair listen.  If it were me, I don't think I would have a bucket of rocks.  In my ALICE training, they did suggest keeping expired canned goods maybe in a cabinet to use in case a school shooter enters a room.  People also give these shooters too much credit with the accuracy of their shooting.  I believe trained law enforcement officers usually hit their target in a situation about 30 percent of the time.  We assume these school shooters are 100 percent accurate all the time.  I will tell you that the shooter's accuracy does improve when traditional lockdowns, sometimes called Code Reds, are used.  The reason for this is because using a traditional lockdown makes you a "sitting duck."  All the thought is put into what we can do to try to keep a shooter out.  With ALICE, the focus is on what choices I have if someone does get in.

I want to close this by saying that I am disappointed that we have not problem solved this crisis and it has been nine weeks since the tragedy in Parkland.  17 students and staff lost their lives and were disconnected from their families forever for a choice that was not their own.  The one thing that is overlooked, in my opinion, is that there were approximately 3,000 students that attended the high school in Parkland and that is 3,000 people that probably experienced different levels of trauma from this incident.  How many of those that experienced that incident followed up with talking to someone to make sure that they are processing these feelings appropriately?  Many people think they are fine, when really they are not.  So look at the ripple effects of this tragedy.  You have 17 people killed, which has now impacted all of their families.  You also have all of the other students, who survived, who have now experienced a traumatic event.  Then, you have family members of those students who are trying to cope.  That is a lot of affected people and that is only one incident.  I hope I have convinced you of importance of the need to make school safety and mental health top priorities.  The active shootings also don't just happen in schools.  The schools are the ones you hear the most about, but 40% of all active shootings take place in private businesses.  29% take place in schools.  My training with ALICE has prepared me to be aware of my surroundings in any situation.

To students of Parkland, Florida and their families, please talk to people about your feelings regarding this horrible tragedy that you had no choice to be a part of.  You are human and it is okay to be affected by this.  If you keep those feelings inside that you are struggling with, they will come out when you don't want them to, or not in a way that you want them expressed.  I feel with our technological advances in the past decade, our society has gotten away from just talking to each other and supporting one another.  Maybe that is a contributing factor to the issues that need to be a top priority in our country.  Don't be hurtful when instead you can be helpful.

An Attempted Reunion, Unfortunately Failed.

Well I'm back, and it has been awhile.  According to my records, this is my first writing since the middle of November, so it has been about three months since my last posting.  As I have written before, my relationship with my biological father has not been a successful relationship.  A handful of months ago, my cousin Debbie sent me a message stating that my dad may possible be facing a serious health situation involving his heart, and that it may require open heart surgery.  I was really glad that she reached out to me and alerted me of this situation, so I picked up the phone and called my dad.  It had been quite a while since we had spoken, and I think the best way to explain it is that it is two different personalities that couldn't manage to be on the same page when it needed to be.  Unfortunately, my dad is a person that had a lot of friends, had his own business, felt a need to have the best material things to sometimes impress others, and had his priorities be himself first.  That isn't an insult to my dad, it is just a description of him.  We go through this life often times wishing that everyone was alike, so everyone could just agree, go with the flow, and have everyone get along.  While that sounds great, the reality is life would be boring if that was the case.  Those things that I described about my dad is a mere description, and I apparently am not cut from the same cloth, because that doesn't describe me.  I am a guy who will help anyone anyway I can if there is something I can give in that situation.  I obviously don't own my own business, I work in education so I can help guide students to get on the right track sooner than what maybe I had experienced.  Material things really don't mean jack crap to me because I don't want a bunch of debt over things that you can't take with you when the ride is over.  I prefer to be simple, and I like to laugh to enjoy life.  Those are two very different personalities that I just explained and it might be an explanation as to why my dad and I can't connect and be on the same page.

So, a couple of months ago, I reached out.  I picked up the phone and called him.  He did answer, which I do give him credit for, and I asked him how he was.  His response, "I'm good.  I am with my brother Joe at a car show."  I chose to immediately ask about his potential health crisis.  He then explained what was going on.  I then put myself out there and asked if he would like to me to be there during the procedure for support.  He answered by saying that he wasn't sure when the procedure was yet and he was to have more tests in a week or so, and that he would call me back and let me know.  I said okay, but please call me back and let me know.   I did not a call back.

So, I let a little time go by and once I knew that he had gone to that doctor appointment and had those tests, I decided again to reach out to him.  I sent him a text message, which should've been a phone call on my part, and I asked him if he had his doctor appointment yet?  He said, "No, it's next Monday."  I responded by saying, "Alright.  I hope it goes well.  Let me know the results when you get them."   I received no response after that.  Nine days later, I sent him a text again asking if he had gotten any test results yet?  He told me that he did and he was not going to have to have surgery, which was good news.  He stated that it was a big relief.  I responded with, "I bet.  I was waiting to hear."  Once I knew he was in clear, I then asked him another question.

I was tired of the back and forth, the disagreements, the blame game going all around.  If anyone knows me, I am not fan of drama at all.  I am a comedy guy, not a drama guy.  Laughter is my coping skill.  So, I cut through the crap so to say and I asked my dad, "Do you want to have a connection with me?"  He responded, "I don't know that's too big of a question now."  I was pretty upset with the response since I had done the reaching out and put myself out there as I had attempted to do before.  My response was that I explained that if anything brings people together and brings some clarity to a situation, it is a health scare.  I went on to say that the ball was now in his court.  "Whether it is in a few weeks, years, or ever...The next attempt will have to be from you", I stated.  I went on to say, "If there is never an attempt, that will be sad, but it will ultimately be your choice. Later." He responded with, "K", and that was it.

The big thing that has been clearly evident to me in all my life environments the past few months is accountability and the importance of it.  Accountability is healthy, and so many people see it as a negative.  Sometimes accountability involves things that may be really difficult to hear, but it is so critical to problem solving.  This situation with my dad... I was hoping to have a conversation, which would've included me taking responsibility for my part of the falling out that we had almost 20 years ago, and I was hoping that he would've done the same as sometimes time helps or heals differences.  Unfortunately, that was not the outcome.  I have come to terms with the situation, and am now comfortable with sharing this experience.  My goal here is not to disrespect or blame.  My dad has chosen to handle his side of our relationship the way he has and that is his choice, no matter whether I agree with it or not.  The time now is to focus on myself, which will include getting healthier, because I want to feel better about things in general.  The past few months has included many requests for me to be censored and not say anything about certain things, and I need to learn to speak up more once again.  It is something that I have always struggled with, especially in confrontational situations.  All my coworkers would probably disagree with that last statement and probably say, "That guy never shuts the hell up."  My intention is always good, my goal is not to be destructive, but instead be productive and proactive.  I will get there.  Thanks for reading.  Feel free to comment on any of my postings.  Be helpful, not hurtful.