For those of you who know, I am somebody that will relay the advice to not make a decision based on impulsive feelings. When something impacts you, it is not the time to make a big decision. I am never a fan of overreacting, and I think that is why I took some time before making my feelings truly known about the horrific tragedy in Florida on Valentine's Day. I take school safety very seriously. It is a big part of my job, but also something that I am passionate about. It is this passion that led me to becoming a certified instructor with the ALICE Training Institute.
Whenever such a tragedy happens, I tend to give it a lot of my personal attention because I really try to examine the thinking behind such a poor choice, what the motivations are, and what were the warning signs. It really breaks my heart to see a school in 2018 having to be emptied like Columbine was 19 years ago today. When you put those video clips side-by-side, they look identical and they happened almost two decades apart. This tells me that not enough has been done. I am not going political in this discussion, because this isn't a political issue. It is, instead, a safety issue. There is no reason to make it more complex than it needs to be. In Minnesota, we have carry and conceal laws for guns, which I have no problem with. I know many hunters that use hunting rifles, and I am good with it. In the last two months after the tragedy in Parkland, Florida, I have been looking for anyone to answer a question I had. Whether that question be answered by law enforcement, private citizens, specialty groups or organizations, or most importantly, the politicians themselves, I have not had my question about the purpose or need of assault weapons in society. I am in the belief, that those high powered weapons, that are designed to kill, should only be legal for the military and law enforcement. I don't care what political affiliation anybody supports, I just want someone to answer my question, what is a good reason for a person not in law enforcement or the military to have access to assault weapons?
If the tragedy in Florida wasn't heartbreaking enough, the discussions and actions that were taking place afterwards were encouraging and motivating, but then the favored suggestion as an action to combat these tragedies was to arm teachers. I absolutely do not understand this thinking. In fact, the only conclusion that I came to was that the leaders we have, that have the most power and in many cases the loudest voices, have not worked one day with students or in a school. I work in a high needs school where many of the students I have worked with have experienced extensive trauma. When I work with a student that is triggered from an event that reminds them of past trauma, it sometimes becomes a very dicey and intense situation in an attempt to de-escalate them. Now, my leaders expect me to carry a gun on my hip? Come on, they can't be serious.
I completely agree that there is a mental health crisis in this nation and our youth may be the age bracket in the most dire need of help. I am not exactly sure how our society got to this point. I do know that there are not enough mental health facilities and professionals to address all the needs. Our leaders, those ones with the most power and loudest voices, need to be responsible and make this a top priority. It is the right thing to do. It is easy to be critical about what you would do in a safety crisis, until you have experienced it. When I went through my active shooter training, I had a bad headache from the stress after my first scenario, and that was a just a simulation. When our leader states that he would've went in there after the shooter in Parkland, it just showed me his complete lack of knowledge on the topic.
I also want to address the topic about the bucket of rocks I think a Pennsylvania school mentioned about having in the classrooms. This idea was completely written off right away as many people thought or took it as a joke as they laughed it off. I think the point they were making was the fact that if an active shooter were to enter your classroom, the idea is to throw items at the shooter to decrease the possibility of the shooter getting accurate shots. If you can throw the shooter off, it usually results in lives being saved and I think this bucket of rocks idea really didn't get a fair listen. If it were me, I don't think I would have a bucket of rocks. In my ALICE training, they did suggest keeping expired canned goods maybe in a cabinet to use in case a school shooter enters a room. People also give these shooters too much credit with the accuracy of their shooting. I believe trained law enforcement officers usually hit their target in a situation about 30 percent of the time. We assume these school shooters are 100 percent accurate all the time. I will tell you that the shooter's accuracy does improve when traditional lockdowns, sometimes called Code Reds, are used. The reason for this is because using a traditional lockdown makes you a "sitting duck." All the thought is put into what we can do to try to keep a shooter out. With ALICE, the focus is on what choices I have if someone does get in.
I want to close this by saying that I am disappointed that we have not problem solved this crisis and it has been nine weeks since the tragedy in Parkland. 17 students and staff lost their lives and were disconnected from their families forever for a choice that was not their own. The one thing that is overlooked, in my opinion, is that there were approximately 3,000 students that attended the high school in Parkland and that is 3,000 people that probably experienced different levels of trauma from this incident. How many of those that experienced that incident followed up with talking to someone to make sure that they are processing these feelings appropriately? Many people think they are fine, when really they are not. So look at the ripple effects of this tragedy. You have 17 people killed, which has now impacted all of their families. You also have all of the other students, who survived, who have now experienced a traumatic event. Then, you have family members of those students who are trying to cope. That is a lot of affected people and that is only one incident. I hope I have convinced you of importance of the need to make school safety and mental health top priorities. The active shootings also don't just happen in schools. The schools are the ones you hear the most about, but 40% of all active shootings take place in private businesses. 29% take place in schools. My training with ALICE has prepared me to be aware of my surroundings in any situation.
To students of Parkland, Florida and their families, please talk to people about your feelings regarding this horrible tragedy that you had no choice to be a part of. You are human and it is okay to be affected by this. If you keep those feelings inside that you are struggling with, they will come out when you don't want them to, or not in a way that you want them expressed. I feel with our technological advances in the past decade, our society has gotten away from just talking to each other and supporting one another. Maybe that is a contributing factor to the issues that need to be a top priority in our country. Don't be hurtful when instead you can be helpful.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Thursday, January 25, 2018
An Attempted Reunion, Unfortunately Failed.
Well I'm back, and it has been awhile. According to my records, this is my first writing since the middle of November, so it has been about three months since my last posting. As I have written before, my relationship with my biological father has not been a successful relationship. A handful of months ago, my cousin Debbie sent me a message stating that my dad may possible be facing a serious health situation involving his heart, and that it may require open heart surgery. I was really glad that she reached out to me and alerted me of this situation, so I picked up the phone and called my dad. It had been quite a while since we had spoken, and I think the best way to explain it is that it is two different personalities that couldn't manage to be on the same page when it needed to be. Unfortunately, my dad is a person that had a lot of friends, had his own business, felt a need to have the best material things to sometimes impress others, and had his priorities be himself first. That isn't an insult to my dad, it is just a description of him. We go through this life often times wishing that everyone was alike, so everyone could just agree, go with the flow, and have everyone get along. While that sounds great, the reality is life would be boring if that was the case. Those things that I described about my dad is a mere description, and I apparently am not cut from the same cloth, because that doesn't describe me. I am a guy who will help anyone anyway I can if there is something I can give in that situation. I obviously don't own my own business, I work in education so I can help guide students to get on the right track sooner than what maybe I had experienced. Material things really don't mean jack crap to me because I don't want a bunch of debt over things that you can't take with you when the ride is over. I prefer to be simple, and I like to laugh to enjoy life. Those are two very different personalities that I just explained and it might be an explanation as to why my dad and I can't connect and be on the same page.
So, a couple of months ago, I reached out. I picked up the phone and called him. He did answer, which I do give him credit for, and I asked him how he was. His response, "I'm good. I am with my brother Joe at a car show." I chose to immediately ask about his potential health crisis. He then explained what was going on. I then put myself out there and asked if he would like to me to be there during the procedure for support. He answered by saying that he wasn't sure when the procedure was yet and he was to have more tests in a week or so, and that he would call me back and let me know. I said okay, but please call me back and let me know. I did not a call back.
So, I let a little time go by and once I knew that he had gone to that doctor appointment and had those tests, I decided again to reach out to him. I sent him a text message, which should've been a phone call on my part, and I asked him if he had his doctor appointment yet? He said, "No, it's next Monday." I responded by saying, "Alright. I hope it goes well. Let me know the results when you get them." I received no response after that. Nine days later, I sent him a text again asking if he had gotten any test results yet? He told me that he did and he was not going to have to have surgery, which was good news. He stated that it was a big relief. I responded with, "I bet. I was waiting to hear." Once I knew he was in clear, I then asked him another question.
I was tired of the back and forth, the disagreements, the blame game going all around. If anyone knows me, I am not fan of drama at all. I am a comedy guy, not a drama guy. Laughter is my coping skill. So, I cut through the crap so to say and I asked my dad, "Do you want to have a connection with me?" He responded, "I don't know that's too big of a question now." I was pretty upset with the response since I had done the reaching out and put myself out there as I had attempted to do before. My response was that I explained that if anything brings people together and brings some clarity to a situation, it is a health scare. I went on to say that the ball was now in his court. "Whether it is in a few weeks, years, or ever...The next attempt will have to be from you", I stated. I went on to say, "If there is never an attempt, that will be sad, but it will ultimately be your choice. Later." He responded with, "K", and that was it.
The big thing that has been clearly evident to me in all my life environments the past few months is accountability and the importance of it. Accountability is healthy, and so many people see it as a negative. Sometimes accountability involves things that may be really difficult to hear, but it is so critical to problem solving. This situation with my dad... I was hoping to have a conversation, which would've included me taking responsibility for my part of the falling out that we had almost 20 years ago, and I was hoping that he would've done the same as sometimes time helps or heals differences. Unfortunately, that was not the outcome. I have come to terms with the situation, and am now comfortable with sharing this experience. My goal here is not to disrespect or blame. My dad has chosen to handle his side of our relationship the way he has and that is his choice, no matter whether I agree with it or not. The time now is to focus on myself, which will include getting healthier, because I want to feel better about things in general. The past few months has included many requests for me to be censored and not say anything about certain things, and I need to learn to speak up more once again. It is something that I have always struggled with, especially in confrontational situations. All my coworkers would probably disagree with that last statement and probably say, "That guy never shuts the hell up." My intention is always good, my goal is not to be destructive, but instead be productive and proactive. I will get there. Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment on any of my postings. Be helpful, not hurtful.
So, a couple of months ago, I reached out. I picked up the phone and called him. He did answer, which I do give him credit for, and I asked him how he was. His response, "I'm good. I am with my brother Joe at a car show." I chose to immediately ask about his potential health crisis. He then explained what was going on. I then put myself out there and asked if he would like to me to be there during the procedure for support. He answered by saying that he wasn't sure when the procedure was yet and he was to have more tests in a week or so, and that he would call me back and let me know. I said okay, but please call me back and let me know. I did not a call back.
So, I let a little time go by and once I knew that he had gone to that doctor appointment and had those tests, I decided again to reach out to him. I sent him a text message, which should've been a phone call on my part, and I asked him if he had his doctor appointment yet? He said, "No, it's next Monday." I responded by saying, "Alright. I hope it goes well. Let me know the results when you get them." I received no response after that. Nine days later, I sent him a text again asking if he had gotten any test results yet? He told me that he did and he was not going to have to have surgery, which was good news. He stated that it was a big relief. I responded with, "I bet. I was waiting to hear." Once I knew he was in clear, I then asked him another question.
I was tired of the back and forth, the disagreements, the blame game going all around. If anyone knows me, I am not fan of drama at all. I am a comedy guy, not a drama guy. Laughter is my coping skill. So, I cut through the crap so to say and I asked my dad, "Do you want to have a connection with me?" He responded, "I don't know that's too big of a question now." I was pretty upset with the response since I had done the reaching out and put myself out there as I had attempted to do before. My response was that I explained that if anything brings people together and brings some clarity to a situation, it is a health scare. I went on to say that the ball was now in his court. "Whether it is in a few weeks, years, or ever...The next attempt will have to be from you", I stated. I went on to say, "If there is never an attempt, that will be sad, but it will ultimately be your choice. Later." He responded with, "K", and that was it.
The big thing that has been clearly evident to me in all my life environments the past few months is accountability and the importance of it. Accountability is healthy, and so many people see it as a negative. Sometimes accountability involves things that may be really difficult to hear, but it is so critical to problem solving. This situation with my dad... I was hoping to have a conversation, which would've included me taking responsibility for my part of the falling out that we had almost 20 years ago, and I was hoping that he would've done the same as sometimes time helps or heals differences. Unfortunately, that was not the outcome. I have come to terms with the situation, and am now comfortable with sharing this experience. My goal here is not to disrespect or blame. My dad has chosen to handle his side of our relationship the way he has and that is his choice, no matter whether I agree with it or not. The time now is to focus on myself, which will include getting healthier, because I want to feel better about things in general. The past few months has included many requests for me to be censored and not say anything about certain things, and I need to learn to speak up more once again. It is something that I have always struggled with, especially in confrontational situations. All my coworkers would probably disagree with that last statement and probably say, "That guy never shuts the hell up." My intention is always good, my goal is not to be destructive, but instead be productive and proactive. I will get there. Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment on any of my postings. Be helpful, not hurtful.
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Another Day, Another Shooting... And It Needs To Stop!
You know, I just don't know. As my work day was winding down today, I saw the notification on my phone that yet another shooting has happened in Northern California, and again it involved innocent children. That is the part that gets me every time. I just can't make any sense out of how killing innocent people, and especially children, brings closure to a person. I don't understand how someone is supposed to hear an individual and what they are trying to say when they make the CHOICE to commit such horrible acts. That's right, it is a choice. How does one make a choice to take away a child's opportunity to fulfill their dreams, to take away their families, and for them to not be able to bring their talents to the world where that talent could've been the most positive change for humankind. The elementary children were doing what they were supposed to be doing, going to school and going through the process of learning skills and learning about themselves. I work with students everyday with one goal. That goal is to help give them the skills to be a better person, to express feelings appropriately, and hopefully that allows them to be better set up to take advantage of those opportunities that come along to help them become more successful. I don't know if I have the words to truly express how I am feeling, but I just struggle with these situations. One of the reports that came out hours after the initial report, is that there would have been more victims at the school, but they had options with their lockdown procedures. They had the information and they locked down the school appropriately, which authorities have already stated that those choices had saved a number of lives. The sad thing is that when I was in school, we didn't have to perform lockdown drills. Not only do we have lockdown drills now, but there have been enough of these incidents to be able to learn from them. Schools are now changing how they do their lockdown procedures in schools and it is making a difference. I don't know if the school or schools that successfully locked down used a more traditional style of lockdown, or if they used the newer style that is more effective, but lives were saved. I will be curious to learn more about that. What baffles me the most is that nothing changes. I am not here to be political, because it is not my right to state how anyone else views things in the world. I will say that this is not a political issue. This is a matter of people's lives. We have children that get killed in these acts of pure stupidity before they even have a chance to chose a political side in life, so it is not about politics here. We watch 49 people get killed in Orlando, we watch 58 get killed with over 500 injured in Las Vegas, and still nothing. I am a problem solver when there is an issue. To solve a problem it starts with a conversation. What concerns me is that it doesn't appear that a conversation has even started. It shouldn't matter which party you favor, how much money one has, whether your male or female, or transgender, gay, lesbian, white, black, or any other nationality, it is time to sit down and start talking and problem solving. Disagree in those conversations, that's fine, but at least be respectful enough to have the conversation. I don't have the answers and it is not my place to say what we should do, because I am just one opinion, and it will take more than one person to problem solve this situation. Fortunately, I have been trained to know my options in a situation of an active shooter and I am grateful for that. I hope that I am able to teach those options to the people I care about and I hope to do it soon. The schools get the media attention because the innocent children being killed should get the attention, of everybody. The reality is that these active shooter situations can happen anywhere. They happen more in private businesses than they do in schools. In fact, at last check, 40% of all active shooter situations are in private businesses. I already mentioned a nightclub in Orlando and a concert in Las Vegas, but they have also happened in restaurants, at a political event in Arizona, at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, and I am not even done processing the one that happened just nine days ago in a church in Texas that killed 26 more people, and a high number of children. That is just a few mass shootings that don't involve schools. Today's shooting involved a guy that went to seven different locations before being fatally shot. It blows my mind how someone got to seven different places before being caught, but it tells you that each situation is different and it can happen anywhere. I end this with the message that I am not going to give up. I am not going to change my plans because of the what ifs. I hope that I never have to be in a real situation to use the skills I was trained in. I don't wish that on anybody, especially innocent children that deserve to live a long and full life. As after every active shooter situation is learned about, I hope the conversation can begin. Be Kind To Everyone.
A.L.I.C.E
ALERT LOCKDOWN INFORM COUNTER EVACUATE
Endorsed By FEMA, Department Of Homeland Security, Department of Homeland Security, Department of Education, and many more.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Express Your Feelings Appropriately
I don't know, I just don't know. I find myself just not knowing how to express my feelings appropriately on this one. I work with students day in and day out and I find myself telling them often to express their feelings appropriately. I tell them not to bottle it up inside because it will find a way out and that usually comes out sideways. I am using some common vocabulary from within the walls of the Refocus Room at my job, which to many outside the walls of where I work, sounds a little foreign.
Usually when something comes out sideways, it isn't positive. More than likely it comes out angry, hurt, or with some type of sadness. This is where I kind of find myself right now, even though I don't really want to, and it isn't really deserving of that kind of attention. I will explain...
I recently was notified by a relative on my biological father's side of the family, and I was asked if I had talked to him recently. I responded by saying that it had been a while and that I don't think there is much interest there to recover a relationship. Believe me when I say that I know how important a father is in a child's life, but yet I understand when there are circumstances that require a parent to not be in the picture. It was brought to my attention that my dad had a potentially serious health issue going on and I thought I would reach out to him after receiving the news. Now, as I have mentioned before in a previous blog post, Open Letter To The Sarych Family , I have made several attempts to reconnect with my dad. While there were a couple of meals, and brief encounters, nothing ever came of that, which is unfortunate.
My dad and I never truly saw eye to eye, but I was always willing to reason. Since the fallout, I have learned that it isn't about who did what wrong, and it isn't about calling out the other and blaming them. I know that I didn't make all the right choices, but neither did he. My dad did come to my wedding in 2006, but never showed the interest to "be involved", or pick up the phone.
So, with this recent news, I picked up the phone and called him. He answered with, "Hello, this is Mike." So, I talked to him briefly. You could tell that he wasn't interested in the phone call as the cold tone could've been grabbed right through the phone. I asked him what is new and I asked him about his health situation. He quickly explained what was to happen, and then quickly ended with well I will let you go. I am a pretty good reader of feelings as that is part of my job on a daily basis, and that conversation by my dad was as emotionally free as it gets. I was not surprised, but I thought with a potential health crisis in the near future, that it would put the big picture in perspective. I was not upset after the brief phone conversation, because I have become numb to this situation constantly turning out this way. I just didn't understand.
In that phone conversation, I offered to be at the hospital in person for support. I also asked for him to call me after his next doctor appointment with an update of what the plan is. All my intentions were was to be supportive. I was understanding that this situation was being classified as a 9 out of 10 on the risk factor, so I put everything in the past and behind and simply opened the door by asking if he wanted me there. He told me no. I also did not get any follow up phone calls after the appointment which left me in the dark. So, I continued to reach out and I texted him to see what the update was. The reason why I sent a text instead of making another call was that I didn't want it to be uncomfortable for him and cause any extra stress. So when I sent the text, I got a response saying that things were not as serious as once thought and surgery was not needed. He stated it was a relief. I responded by saying, "I bet it is," and then it went dead air. So, I took the plunge and asked him if he had any interest in reconnecting with me at all. He responded with "I don't want to answer that right now." I told him that I felt like the timing was appropriate as health situations tend to make people look at the big picture. I told him that it is now his choosing if there is any chance to reconnect. I have always been the one to pick up the phone, I have always been the one to reach out. I told him the ball is in his court, and he now has to be the one to pick up the phone or reach out since he is choosing to continue to choose to show no interest in his son. All he responded with after telling him this was, "K".
I guess I don't understand why I am like the animal that got rejected by the herd. This is not a poor me and I don't want a poor me. You will not hear me talk about this casually and that is why I am addressing it here. I have questions that will probably never be answered. It isn't fair, I have had my struggles and having a dad for support would've been appreciative. I don't have that. I do want to thank my family member for contacting me of the situation, because that is what family does and I am so appreciative that she did that.
I will continue to sort this out, but it will not dominate my thoughts or my time, because quite frankly, it isn't deserving of so much attention. This isn't breaking news, I am numb to it because it has been a repeated pattern for many years, and I have to take care of me. I wanted to address this not because I'm attention seeking. I am not looking for people to feel sorry for me, because that is not what I want and it doesn't float my boat. I just simply had this inside, and like I tell my students that I work with all the time, I needed to express my feelings appropriately.
Usually when something comes out sideways, it isn't positive. More than likely it comes out angry, hurt, or with some type of sadness. This is where I kind of find myself right now, even though I don't really want to, and it isn't really deserving of that kind of attention. I will explain...
I recently was notified by a relative on my biological father's side of the family, and I was asked if I had talked to him recently. I responded by saying that it had been a while and that I don't think there is much interest there to recover a relationship. Believe me when I say that I know how important a father is in a child's life, but yet I understand when there are circumstances that require a parent to not be in the picture. It was brought to my attention that my dad had a potentially serious health issue going on and I thought I would reach out to him after receiving the news. Now, as I have mentioned before in a previous blog post, Open Letter To The Sarych Family , I have made several attempts to reconnect with my dad. While there were a couple of meals, and brief encounters, nothing ever came of that, which is unfortunate.
My dad and I never truly saw eye to eye, but I was always willing to reason. Since the fallout, I have learned that it isn't about who did what wrong, and it isn't about calling out the other and blaming them. I know that I didn't make all the right choices, but neither did he. My dad did come to my wedding in 2006, but never showed the interest to "be involved", or pick up the phone.
So, with this recent news, I picked up the phone and called him. He answered with, "Hello, this is Mike." So, I talked to him briefly. You could tell that he wasn't interested in the phone call as the cold tone could've been grabbed right through the phone. I asked him what is new and I asked him about his health situation. He quickly explained what was to happen, and then quickly ended with well I will let you go. I am a pretty good reader of feelings as that is part of my job on a daily basis, and that conversation by my dad was as emotionally free as it gets. I was not surprised, but I thought with a potential health crisis in the near future, that it would put the big picture in perspective. I was not upset after the brief phone conversation, because I have become numb to this situation constantly turning out this way. I just didn't understand.
In that phone conversation, I offered to be at the hospital in person for support. I also asked for him to call me after his next doctor appointment with an update of what the plan is. All my intentions were was to be supportive. I was understanding that this situation was being classified as a 9 out of 10 on the risk factor, so I put everything in the past and behind and simply opened the door by asking if he wanted me there. He told me no. I also did not get any follow up phone calls after the appointment which left me in the dark. So, I continued to reach out and I texted him to see what the update was. The reason why I sent a text instead of making another call was that I didn't want it to be uncomfortable for him and cause any extra stress. So when I sent the text, I got a response saying that things were not as serious as once thought and surgery was not needed. He stated it was a relief. I responded by saying, "I bet it is," and then it went dead air. So, I took the plunge and asked him if he had any interest in reconnecting with me at all. He responded with "I don't want to answer that right now." I told him that I felt like the timing was appropriate as health situations tend to make people look at the big picture. I told him that it is now his choosing if there is any chance to reconnect. I have always been the one to pick up the phone, I have always been the one to reach out. I told him the ball is in his court, and he now has to be the one to pick up the phone or reach out since he is choosing to continue to choose to show no interest in his son. All he responded with after telling him this was, "K".
I guess I don't understand why I am like the animal that got rejected by the herd. This is not a poor me and I don't want a poor me. You will not hear me talk about this casually and that is why I am addressing it here. I have questions that will probably never be answered. It isn't fair, I have had my struggles and having a dad for support would've been appreciative. I don't have that. I do want to thank my family member for contacting me of the situation, because that is what family does and I am so appreciative that she did that.
I will continue to sort this out, but it will not dominate my thoughts or my time, because quite frankly, it isn't deserving of so much attention. This isn't breaking news, I am numb to it because it has been a repeated pattern for many years, and I have to take care of me. I wanted to address this not because I'm attention seeking. I am not looking for people to feel sorry for me, because that is not what I want and it doesn't float my boat. I just simply had this inside, and like I tell my students that I work with all the time, I needed to express my feelings appropriately.
Saturday, May 27, 2017
My Friend, Curt Hiltbrunner
Recently, my good friend and former co-worker, Curt Hiltbrunner, recently passed away. Now you have to understand that Curt had a fair amount of health issues, but he seemed to always come out of it every time in good shape. So when I received the news this past Sunday morning that my good friend passed away from my wife, it blindsided me. I was aware of Curt's most recent surgery from a post he made on Facebook back on May 7th. In Curt fashion, he didn't make a big deal about it. He, instead, just mentioned the procedure, and then finished it with Curt humor by saying, "I'm allergic to pain." As always, I wished him a quick recovery and I just figured that everything would be fine, as it was dozens of time before.
I met Curt back in 2008 when I started working at Mille Lacs Academy School, which is part of Onamia Public Schools. Curt had this small classroom, more like an office, where he would work with students individually. Curt was a Special Education Teacher, and he worked with students who had a diagnosis of having a Learning Disability. At the time, I didn't think much of it. I saw that Curt worked with these students very well. I also saw a guy who really enjoyed his cat naps in the chair at his desk to fill the rest of his lunch time. I honestly thought the naps could've of been a food coma sometimes, because he always put the rest of us to shame with his lunches. It was like Manny's Steakhouse with all the fixings and trimmings every single day, it was impressive! I remember telling him that he is lucky to have a wife that cooks so well for him, and he firmly responded with, "I'm the cook in the house!"
That comment introduced me to Curt's true character. He was not afraid to speak his mind, but he also gave everyone a chance. Like I mentioned, he worked very well with his students, and often times that was the key that gave the students he worked with a chance to get their lives back on track and being successful. It wasn't until I worked with Curt, that I realized what the most important trait in working with students successfully is. That trait being the single thing that is a make or break in working with students now, and it is the foundation of my beliefs in working with students today. That trait being relationships. Curt was a master at building successful working relationships with his students. It was a perfect combination of humor and believing in the student that made it work so effectively. To be able to witness Curt in action in working with his students, was magical.
There was a time in my first year with the school that it was common that the paraprofessionals of our school often times had to fill in for the teachers when they were gone. We didn't have access to substitutes to call in really, and we always took care of each other. We had a teacher that needed to be gone for an extended number of days and it was for a classroom of students that were developmentally delayed, which at that time, was our most challenging classroom in the school. There were no plans left by the teacher, and just to simply "wing it" was not an option. So, for five straight days, Curt volunteered to cover the class and teach the students. In fact, he and I did it together. It was a blast, because we both were motivated and determined to make this experience a positive one for the students, and the engagement was amazing to witness, as you saw the students "buy in" because of that engagement. That is when I considered Curt not only to be a mentor of mine, but also a friend, because he never saw me as someone less than him. He didn't identify me as a paraprofessional and him as the teacher. He saw me as an equal and always treated me that way. Curt treated everyone like that at Mille Lacs Academy School.
I remember about seven years ago or so, after Mille Lacs Academy School moved into a new building, Curt had this big classroom to himself. When I say big, I mean it was probably three or four times bigger than the office room he had at the school when it was located at the Crosier Center in Onamia. Even Curt admitted that it was too big for what he needed. Even making his personal desk space bigger, getting a bigger and more comfy chair for his desk, and bringing in his own personal refrigerator didn't help use up all the space. All it did was make him shut off the lights, close his door, and he was set for every fire drill that he refused to evacuate for. As the student base at the school changed, Curt's caseload was increasing and the number of student needs also increased as the school was getting more and more students with a diagnosis of having a Learning Disability. It was becoming more difficult for Curt to meet with every student individually, but yet he had more space that was being unused. I remember the day when another paraprofessional at the school, Cheri Kunesh, and I went to review student IEPs to see how many students that were currently enrolled needed the services that Curt offered. The result was more than ever before, and we pitched the idea to Curt to develop and convert his classroom into an academic resource room, and he was on board with idea from the word go and he became actively involved in making this a reality. This change meant that Curt's workload was going to increase dramatically and that he would potentially have to work with more than one student at a time. He never criticized it, and never even questioned it. He liked the idea because it was simply a way to help more kids. I was lucky as I got to work directly with Curt in that academic resource room for multiple years. I was lucky because it gave me multiple years of learning the importance of building relationships with students and how to do it effectively.
Finally, I want to finish this celebration of Curt by talking about his brutal honesty. Like I said, Curt never intended to be purposely offensive and cared about everyone, especially his family. His brutal honesty often times brought the loud laughs and the greatest humor. I remember hearing from my fellow teachers about a time when Curt was at Special Education training in Little Falls and he was first in line when it came to lunchtime. Like I talked about earlier before, the meals that Curt brought for lunch, really put an emphasis on how important lunch was to him. So, lunch was provided at the training. When the hosts brought out the food, Curt asked them what it was. He was told that it was some kind of pasta salad. His response was, "Yuck! I am not eating that crap, I'm going to Burger King!" He then went on to throw his paper plate and plastic silverware down on the table and walked out and went to Burger King. On a side note, he had his nice name tag on that said he was Curt Hiltbrunner from Onamia Public Schools on. I laugh to this day about this story, because it fits Curt perfectly when describing him. Most importantly, the impact he made on me was the ability to laugh, enjoy life, and he gave me great tools for me to continue to work with students today.
Curt loved his family more than anything and he was clear about that at work, especially when it came to his grandchildren. Curt was proud of everyone of them, and I share their sadness as we celebrate his life. Thank you.
I met Curt back in 2008 when I started working at Mille Lacs Academy School, which is part of Onamia Public Schools. Curt had this small classroom, more like an office, where he would work with students individually. Curt was a Special Education Teacher, and he worked with students who had a diagnosis of having a Learning Disability. At the time, I didn't think much of it. I saw that Curt worked with these students very well. I also saw a guy who really enjoyed his cat naps in the chair at his desk to fill the rest of his lunch time. I honestly thought the naps could've of been a food coma sometimes, because he always put the rest of us to shame with his lunches. It was like Manny's Steakhouse with all the fixings and trimmings every single day, it was impressive! I remember telling him that he is lucky to have a wife that cooks so well for him, and he firmly responded with, "I'm the cook in the house!"
That comment introduced me to Curt's true character. He was not afraid to speak his mind, but he also gave everyone a chance. Like I mentioned, he worked very well with his students, and often times that was the key that gave the students he worked with a chance to get their lives back on track and being successful. It wasn't until I worked with Curt, that I realized what the most important trait in working with students successfully is. That trait being the single thing that is a make or break in working with students now, and it is the foundation of my beliefs in working with students today. That trait being relationships. Curt was a master at building successful working relationships with his students. It was a perfect combination of humor and believing in the student that made it work so effectively. To be able to witness Curt in action in working with his students, was magical.
There was a time in my first year with the school that it was common that the paraprofessionals of our school often times had to fill in for the teachers when they were gone. We didn't have access to substitutes to call in really, and we always took care of each other. We had a teacher that needed to be gone for an extended number of days and it was for a classroom of students that were developmentally delayed, which at that time, was our most challenging classroom in the school. There were no plans left by the teacher, and just to simply "wing it" was not an option. So, for five straight days, Curt volunteered to cover the class and teach the students. In fact, he and I did it together. It was a blast, because we both were motivated and determined to make this experience a positive one for the students, and the engagement was amazing to witness, as you saw the students "buy in" because of that engagement. That is when I considered Curt not only to be a mentor of mine, but also a friend, because he never saw me as someone less than him. He didn't identify me as a paraprofessional and him as the teacher. He saw me as an equal and always treated me that way. Curt treated everyone like that at Mille Lacs Academy School.
I remember about seven years ago or so, after Mille Lacs Academy School moved into a new building, Curt had this big classroom to himself. When I say big, I mean it was probably three or four times bigger than the office room he had at the school when it was located at the Crosier Center in Onamia. Even Curt admitted that it was too big for what he needed. Even making his personal desk space bigger, getting a bigger and more comfy chair for his desk, and bringing in his own personal refrigerator didn't help use up all the space. All it did was make him shut off the lights, close his door, and he was set for every fire drill that he refused to evacuate for. As the student base at the school changed, Curt's caseload was increasing and the number of student needs also increased as the school was getting more and more students with a diagnosis of having a Learning Disability. It was becoming more difficult for Curt to meet with every student individually, but yet he had more space that was being unused. I remember the day when another paraprofessional at the school, Cheri Kunesh, and I went to review student IEPs to see how many students that were currently enrolled needed the services that Curt offered. The result was more than ever before, and we pitched the idea to Curt to develop and convert his classroom into an academic resource room, and he was on board with idea from the word go and he became actively involved in making this a reality. This change meant that Curt's workload was going to increase dramatically and that he would potentially have to work with more than one student at a time. He never criticized it, and never even questioned it. He liked the idea because it was simply a way to help more kids. I was lucky as I got to work directly with Curt in that academic resource room for multiple years. I was lucky because it gave me multiple years of learning the importance of building relationships with students and how to do it effectively.
Finally, I want to finish this celebration of Curt by talking about his brutal honesty. Like I said, Curt never intended to be purposely offensive and cared about everyone, especially his family. His brutal honesty often times brought the loud laughs and the greatest humor. I remember hearing from my fellow teachers about a time when Curt was at Special Education training in Little Falls and he was first in line when it came to lunchtime. Like I talked about earlier before, the meals that Curt brought for lunch, really put an emphasis on how important lunch was to him. So, lunch was provided at the training. When the hosts brought out the food, Curt asked them what it was. He was told that it was some kind of pasta salad. His response was, "Yuck! I am not eating that crap, I'm going to Burger King!" He then went on to throw his paper plate and plastic silverware down on the table and walked out and went to Burger King. On a side note, he had his nice name tag on that said he was Curt Hiltbrunner from Onamia Public Schools on. I laugh to this day about this story, because it fits Curt perfectly when describing him. Most importantly, the impact he made on me was the ability to laugh, enjoy life, and he gave me great tools for me to continue to work with students today.
Curt loved his family more than anything and he was clear about that at work, especially when it came to his grandchildren. Curt was proud of everyone of them, and I share their sadness as we celebrate his life. Thank you.
Friday, December 16, 2016
Guns 'N' Roses in 2017... Yes, Please!
Growing up as a kid, I was pretty well-behaved-as I have mentioned before in previous posts. I was a kid who never got in trouble with the law, and I always followed the rules in the house. Through the growing up years, I became a fan of rock music. Music was helpful for me growing up. I loved music.
So, here is this geeky kid that was well behaved, and loving rock music of the 1980s hair bands. Now, I did not like heavy metal as a rule, instead I loved hard rock music. For example, as legendary of a band that Metallica is, I didn't care for their early stuff, because I wasn't into the head banging music. The music that I became to love, the music that struck the chord, was the music of Guns 'N' Roses.
"Appetite For Destruction" was Guns 'N' Roses debut album in 1987. I was 9 going on 10 years old, and I loved it! Along with myself, I think this is an album where many listeners will listen to every track on this album. With the mega hits of "Welcome to the Jungle", "Paradise City", and the legendary "Sweet Child O'Mine", there were some other tracks that were popular masterpieces on this record. There was "It's So Easy", "Mr. Brownstone", and "Rocket Queen". They instantly became the kings of rock, and my new favorite band.
The next year, in 1988, they followed up Appetite with four new acoustic tracks and combined it with four tracks from their minimally released "Live Like A Suicide" LP to release an album called "Lies". The "Live Like A Suicide" LP is one of the most collectible records to be found as there wasn't many of them. There are many that say that Guns 'N' Roses were responsible for putting acoustic music back on the map with the release of "Lies", and much of that talk began because of another mega hit called, "Patience".
Out of all the songs that I loved on Appetite, "Patience" may be my favorite song of all time. It is close though as I go back and forth between "Patience" and "Sweet Child O'Mine". While the kings of rock were leading the way, their track "One In A Million" brought some negative press to the band.
Fast forward to the present day. Ever since GNR self destructed in the late 1990s due to many clashing egos, I always hoped that the original band would get back together. That seemed impossible and only a dream for the past 20 years. Finally, in early 2016, guitarist Slash admitted in an interview that he and Axl Rose were finally "cool" again. This sparked the questions and also the rumors that a reunion was now finally possible. In the spring of 2016, Axl Rose, Slash, and Duff McKagan, the original three members announced that they were reuniting for a stadium tour in the summer of 2016. I was pumped, excited, and ready to shell out some serious money to go see this. Then, after the tour stops were announced, I realized the closest venue was going to be Chicago. This was disappointing.
Once the summer "Not In This Lifetime" tour came to a close, GNR announced some dates across the pond. Fast forwarding to now, at the beginning of this month, Guns 'N' Roses again started putting up some random billboards across the United States and Canada. Some of them said "Patience", and some of them said "Welcome To The Jungle". One of those billboards ended up popping up in Minneapolis, which only meant it was a matter of time for an announcement. A few days later, it was announced that GNR was going to be performing with the original trio on Saturday, July 30th, 2017 at the shiny and new U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis. I am pumped and excited! I never thought this day was going to come as it puts over 20 years of hope finally to sleep, and I am going!
Throughout all these years and how rock music has evolved, and in a lot of cases disappeared, Guns 'N' Roses is still my favorite band. Their music opened me up to rock music and other great bands like Def Leppard, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and most recently Shinedown. Whenever I hear that opening riff of "Sweet Child O'Mine", it sounds as fresh as the day it was debuted. For some reason, much of "today's music" doesn't carry that timeless quality.
#GnFnR
So, here is this geeky kid that was well behaved, and loving rock music of the 1980s hair bands. Now, I did not like heavy metal as a rule, instead I loved hard rock music. For example, as legendary of a band that Metallica is, I didn't care for their early stuff, because I wasn't into the head banging music. The music that I became to love, the music that struck the chord, was the music of Guns 'N' Roses.
"Appetite For Destruction" was Guns 'N' Roses debut album in 1987. I was 9 going on 10 years old, and I loved it! Along with myself, I think this is an album where many listeners will listen to every track on this album. With the mega hits of "Welcome to the Jungle", "Paradise City", and the legendary "Sweet Child O'Mine", there were some other tracks that were popular masterpieces on this record. There was "It's So Easy", "Mr. Brownstone", and "Rocket Queen". They instantly became the kings of rock, and my new favorite band.
The next year, in 1988, they followed up Appetite with four new acoustic tracks and combined it with four tracks from their minimally released "Live Like A Suicide" LP to release an album called "Lies". The "Live Like A Suicide" LP is one of the most collectible records to be found as there wasn't many of them. There are many that say that Guns 'N' Roses were responsible for putting acoustic music back on the map with the release of "Lies", and much of that talk began because of another mega hit called, "Patience".
Out of all the songs that I loved on Appetite, "Patience" may be my favorite song of all time. It is close though as I go back and forth between "Patience" and "Sweet Child O'Mine". While the kings of rock were leading the way, their track "One In A Million" brought some negative press to the band.
Fast forward to the present day. Ever since GNR self destructed in the late 1990s due to many clashing egos, I always hoped that the original band would get back together. That seemed impossible and only a dream for the past 20 years. Finally, in early 2016, guitarist Slash admitted in an interview that he and Axl Rose were finally "cool" again. This sparked the questions and also the rumors that a reunion was now finally possible. In the spring of 2016, Axl Rose, Slash, and Duff McKagan, the original three members announced that they were reuniting for a stadium tour in the summer of 2016. I was pumped, excited, and ready to shell out some serious money to go see this. Then, after the tour stops were announced, I realized the closest venue was going to be Chicago. This was disappointing.
Once the summer "Not In This Lifetime" tour came to a close, GNR announced some dates across the pond. Fast forwarding to now, at the beginning of this month, Guns 'N' Roses again started putting up some random billboards across the United States and Canada. Some of them said "Patience", and some of them said "Welcome To The Jungle". One of those billboards ended up popping up in Minneapolis, which only meant it was a matter of time for an announcement. A few days later, it was announced that GNR was going to be performing with the original trio on Saturday, July 30th, 2017 at the shiny and new U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis. I am pumped and excited! I never thought this day was going to come as it puts over 20 years of hope finally to sleep, and I am going!
Throughout all these years and how rock music has evolved, and in a lot of cases disappeared, Guns 'N' Roses is still my favorite band. Their music opened me up to rock music and other great bands like Def Leppard, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and most recently Shinedown. Whenever I hear that opening riff of "Sweet Child O'Mine", it sounds as fresh as the day it was debuted. For some reason, much of "today's music" doesn't carry that timeless quality.
#GnFnR
Saturday, October 22, 2016
My Complete Unedited Eulogy To My Hero, My Grandfather, Ellsworth George Thomey
Today is the one year anniversary of my grandfather's passing and it truly took a part of me when he passed. At his funeral, which took place on November 6th, 2015, I was honored to deliver his eulogy. The unfortunate part was that I had to edit it and trim it down to fit some time frames. I was not given a heads up by the church about the limitations. So in honor of my grandfather, and to celebrate the first anniversary of his passing, out of much respect, I give you the complete, full, unedited version of my eulogy. The edited one put me to tears, so here is the expanded and complete version. I love you grandma and grandpa. I think about you everyday.
Eulogy for Ellsworth George Thomey
Service Date: Friday, November 6th, 2015
Good morning. Today we are here to celebrate Ellsworth Thomey. To me, he was known as grandpa. You may here grandpa a lot today in this eulogy. I was very close to both my grandpa and grandma and I am honored to be able to share my knowledge today with all of you about this great man. Besides all the times I spent with grandpa, I was lucky enough to be able to talk with him back in October, of 2012, to learn his complete life story. Some of what you hear today will be things that I learned during that interview. The interview was done for a college class assignment, but I got so much more out that experience than just a completed assignment. I was lucky for that opportunity.
Grandpa was born on April 21st, 1921. He was the youngest child and really his parents were rooting for a second daughter instead of another boy. So, my grandpa’s dad worked on the railroad and had a grueling schedule, which meant that grandpa decided to enter the world at time when his father was not home because he was working. So, when my great grandmother went into labor with grandpa, the neighbor gave her a ride to the hospital. That neighbor’s name was Ellsworth. So, they named grandpa after the neighbor that gave his mom a ride to the hospital. The reason for this, is because they were counting on a girl and hadn’t settled on a boy name. Grandpa told me that if the neighbor wasn’t around, then he would’ve been named John, which was a common family name. Ironically, many years later, many knew my grandpa by his nickname of John.
Grandpa’s main duty in the house he grew up in was hauling ashes from the coal furnace. Before they could go out and play on Saturdays, everyone had to participate in clothes washing day, this was something my grandpa hated doing as a child.
Grandpa also told me that when he was young, if he was lucky enough to have 10 cents, he would go to a double header movie and have cereal for a snack. Grandpa’s favorite subject in school was math until he reached geometry, and then it became his worst subject. This experience was very similar for me.
After grandpa’s eighth grade graduation, his ball coach really wanted grandpa to go to the Minneapolis Millers Baseball Training Camp to try out for minor league professional baseball. Grandpa thought about it, but declined the opportunity to further his education, which he did by attending vocational school.
Grandpa did not finish vocational school because some time between 1937 and 1939, grandpa and his brothers acquired The Thomey Brothers Market, which was located on Cedar Lake Road and Oliver in Minneapolis.
My grandpa once told me a Thomey Brothers Market story. He told me that a representative from a new cola company came into the store one day and offered my grandpa the opportunity to purchase shares of stock for the new cola company at 25 cents a share. He opted not to take the risk and he said that honestly they couldn’t afford it anyways. By the way, the new cola company’s name was Pepsi.
My grandpa remembered that many of the films shown when he was young were westerns. Grandpa continued to love westerns throughout his life as he loved reading Louis L’Amour books.
Grandpa’s favorite musical artist was Frank Sinatra. He told me that every week, when he was young, he and his siblings would rush home from playing outside so they could watch the Frank Sinatra Hit of the Week.
Things got interesting for grandpa in the year 1940. My grandfather took a date to a dance out at Lake Minnetonka. His future wife, Leone, was also at that dance. They both had different dates, but ended up riding home in the same car. On Christmas Eve of 1940, my grandpa gave my grandma an engagement ring to marry my grandma for a marriage that lasted over 70 years.
In 1951, grandpa followed his dad’s footsteps and joined the railroad as a locomotive engineer. Although he was past the maximum hiring age, it was his dad’s seniority that afforded my grandpa the opportunity.
My grandparents lived in many places. They lived in New York and California and then decided to live in Saint Louis Park, Minnesota. Eventually, they relocated to New Hope for more space in their home and grandpa retired from the railroad in 1975. In 1978, the sold their New Hope home and relocated to Garrison, Minnesota. Their lake home in Garrison was a place many of us here today connected to. For me personally, it wasn’t just a connection, it was special.
I was lucky. I got to spend a lot of time with grandpa. Many summers, when the school year was complete, I got to live with them in Garrison. I watched Sesame Street as a young boy as it was one of only three channels they could get. My grandpa also taught me how to fish and golf. My grandpa always took the time to be patient with me and teach me the skills I would need in life.
My grandpa taught me the importance of honesty and trust. He also taught me the importance of responsibility. My grandpa also helped me get my first job at the age of 15, which was at the Garrison Dairy Queen that no longer exists.
My pure excitement of going to lake and spending time with my grandparents was the main influence for me living north today. When I was up at the lake, it was a big deal to go to the big city of Brainerd. That is where I went with my grandparents to help them with all their shopping. There was no Baxter, just Brainerd.
The railroad must be in our blood. I say this because one of the exciting things for me about going to Brainerd was hoping to see a train going through town while we were there. There was one particular street in Brainerd that had railroad tracks going right down the middle of the street, and this fascinated me. It wasn’t until I was about 23 years old and driving to Brainerd with my grandma, Leone (Stevie), when I finally saw a train going down the middle of that street. I was giddy like a seven year old boy seeing that.
My grandfather was very particular with the games he played. He loved the game of cribbage. Again, he took the time and had the patience to teach me the game of cribbage. I would not know that game today had he not taught it to me. He loved to play the board game of Aggravation with his friends and Garrison neighbors Gordy Henderson and Bud Cochrane. I remember time and time again, grandpa playing Aggravation with Bud Cochrane. First he had to get a bathroom towel and set it up on the dining room table so the dice could roll cleanly but yet stay on the table. Second, the box top of the board game was propped against the chair at the end of the dining room table and that is what they used to throw the dice against. On occasion, the dice would not land cleanly, even on the bathroom towel, and then the brief argument ensued about which number was facing up, because every move counted because there was a dollar riding on the game.
I also remember grandpa and grandma playing Skip-Bo as their game of choice. Let me tell you, if there was one thing that tested their 70 years of marriage, it was Skip-Bo. You see, Skip-Bo was a game that they played often, mainly due to the fact that my grandma had macular degeneration in her eyes and the Skip-Bo cards had numbers big enough to read. Now, there was no bathroom towel needed for Skip-Bo because there was no dice, and this game didn’t have to be played at the dining room table like the big leagues of Aggravation. I was lucky enough to be able to play in many of these Skip-Bo games with my grandparents, and all I can say is that it was pure entertainment and that had nothing to do with the fact that it was a card game. They played so much that they made their own rules. Those rules being that you had to use a natural one and seven, which meant wild cards could not be used for those numbers, and you could not play two wild cards consecutively. If you got to witness this madness, pure entertainment.
Finally, I loved my grandpa. I already miss him so much. He was my last grandparent to be alive. My grandpa always believed in me and cared and listened to what I had to say. That mattered so much to me. My grandpa was a big family man. He loved having a crowd of people visiting their lake home in Garrison, especially if it was family. No matter how many there would be, they always would make room, make you feel welcome, and never looked at it as burden. Instead, they always were excited about family coming to see them. That was my grandpa’s world, the way it should be.
My grandfather, Ellsworth George Thomey, will always be one of my biggest inspirations and will always influence the choices that I make in life. He taught me so much and I would have been lost without those experiences. At the end of my interview with him in October of 2012, one of my questions for him was, “How do you want to be remembered?” He responded by saying, “I want to be remembered for being a good father and husband.” I want grandpa to know today, as he is with us today, that not only did do that with great success, but he also impacted so many more in a positive way.
Eulogy for Ellsworth George Thomey
Service Date: Friday, November 6th, 2015
Good morning. Today we are here to celebrate Ellsworth Thomey. To me, he was known as grandpa. You may here grandpa a lot today in this eulogy. I was very close to both my grandpa and grandma and I am honored to be able to share my knowledge today with all of you about this great man. Besides all the times I spent with grandpa, I was lucky enough to be able to talk with him back in October, of 2012, to learn his complete life story. Some of what you hear today will be things that I learned during that interview. The interview was done for a college class assignment, but I got so much more out that experience than just a completed assignment. I was lucky for that opportunity.
Grandpa was born on April 21st, 1921. He was the youngest child and really his parents were rooting for a second daughter instead of another boy. So, my grandpa’s dad worked on the railroad and had a grueling schedule, which meant that grandpa decided to enter the world at time when his father was not home because he was working. So, when my great grandmother went into labor with grandpa, the neighbor gave her a ride to the hospital. That neighbor’s name was Ellsworth. So, they named grandpa after the neighbor that gave his mom a ride to the hospital. The reason for this, is because they were counting on a girl and hadn’t settled on a boy name. Grandpa told me that if the neighbor wasn’t around, then he would’ve been named John, which was a common family name. Ironically, many years later, many knew my grandpa by his nickname of John.
Grandpa grew up in the Bryn Mawr neighborhood of Minneapolis and he told me two things that he remembered about his childhood home. The first being a mural that was painted in the dining room by Claude Elert, and second, was the crib that he slept in as a baby. He said that he specifically remembered how the knobs looked like a lion’s head.
On the weekends growing up, grandpa and his siblings would get up in the morning and play all day in the neighborhood. They would play softball, football, and skiing. On days when they had to stay indoors, he and his siblings would play hockey in the basement and they would use oatmeal boxes for shin guards.
Grandpa’s main duty in the house he grew up in was hauling ashes from the coal furnace. Before they could go out and play on Saturdays, everyone had to participate in clothes washing day, this was something my grandpa hated doing as a child.
Grandpa also told me that when he was young, if he was lucky enough to have 10 cents, he would go to a double header movie and have cereal for a snack. Grandpa’s favorite subject in school was math until he reached geometry, and then it became his worst subject. This experience was very similar for me.
After grandpa’s eighth grade graduation, his ball coach really wanted grandpa to go to the Minneapolis Millers Baseball Training Camp to try out for minor league professional baseball. Grandpa thought about it, but declined the opportunity to further his education, which he did by attending vocational school.
Grandpa did not finish vocational school because some time between 1937 and 1939, grandpa and his brothers acquired The Thomey Brothers Market, which was located on Cedar Lake Road and Oliver in Minneapolis.
My grandpa once told me a Thomey Brothers Market story. He told me that a representative from a new cola company came into the store one day and offered my grandpa the opportunity to purchase shares of stock for the new cola company at 25 cents a share. He opted not to take the risk and he said that honestly they couldn’t afford it anyways. By the way, the new cola company’s name was Pepsi.
My grandpa remembered that many of the films shown when he was young were westerns. Grandpa continued to love westerns throughout his life as he loved reading Louis L’Amour books.
Grandpa’s favorite musical artist was Frank Sinatra. He told me that every week, when he was young, he and his siblings would rush home from playing outside so they could watch the Frank Sinatra Hit of the Week.
Things got interesting for grandpa in the year 1940. My grandfather took a date to a dance out at Lake Minnetonka. His future wife, Leone, was also at that dance. They both had different dates, but ended up riding home in the same car. On Christmas Eve of 1940, my grandpa gave my grandma an engagement ring to marry my grandma for a marriage that lasted over 70 years.
In 1951, grandpa followed his dad’s footsteps and joined the railroad as a locomotive engineer. Although he was past the maximum hiring age, it was his dad’s seniority that afforded my grandpa the opportunity.
My grandparents lived in many places. They lived in New York and California and then decided to live in Saint Louis Park, Minnesota. Eventually, they relocated to New Hope for more space in their home and grandpa retired from the railroad in 1975. In 1978, the sold their New Hope home and relocated to Garrison, Minnesota. Their lake home in Garrison was a place many of us here today connected to. For me personally, it wasn’t just a connection, it was special.
I was lucky. I got to spend a lot of time with grandpa. Many summers, when the school year was complete, I got to live with them in Garrison. I watched Sesame Street as a young boy as it was one of only three channels they could get. My grandpa also taught me how to fish and golf. My grandpa always took the time to be patient with me and teach me the skills I would need in life.
My grandpa taught me the importance of honesty and trust. He also taught me the importance of responsibility. My grandpa also helped me get my first job at the age of 15, which was at the Garrison Dairy Queen that no longer exists.
My pure excitement of going to lake and spending time with my grandparents was the main influence for me living north today. When I was up at the lake, it was a big deal to go to the big city of Brainerd. That is where I went with my grandparents to help them with all their shopping. There was no Baxter, just Brainerd.
The railroad must be in our blood. I say this because one of the exciting things for me about going to Brainerd was hoping to see a train going through town while we were there. There was one particular street in Brainerd that had railroad tracks going right down the middle of the street, and this fascinated me. It wasn’t until I was about 23 years old and driving to Brainerd with my grandma, Leone (Stevie), when I finally saw a train going down the middle of that street. I was giddy like a seven year old boy seeing that.
My grandfather was very particular with the games he played. He loved the game of cribbage. Again, he took the time and had the patience to teach me the game of cribbage. I would not know that game today had he not taught it to me. He loved to play the board game of Aggravation with his friends and Garrison neighbors Gordy Henderson and Bud Cochrane. I remember time and time again, grandpa playing Aggravation with Bud Cochrane. First he had to get a bathroom towel and set it up on the dining room table so the dice could roll cleanly but yet stay on the table. Second, the box top of the board game was propped against the chair at the end of the dining room table and that is what they used to throw the dice against. On occasion, the dice would not land cleanly, even on the bathroom towel, and then the brief argument ensued about which number was facing up, because every move counted because there was a dollar riding on the game.
I also remember grandpa and grandma playing Skip-Bo as their game of choice. Let me tell you, if there was one thing that tested their 70 years of marriage, it was Skip-Bo. You see, Skip-Bo was a game that they played often, mainly due to the fact that my grandma had macular degeneration in her eyes and the Skip-Bo cards had numbers big enough to read. Now, there was no bathroom towel needed for Skip-Bo because there was no dice, and this game didn’t have to be played at the dining room table like the big leagues of Aggravation. I was lucky enough to be able to play in many of these Skip-Bo games with my grandparents, and all I can say is that it was pure entertainment and that had nothing to do with the fact that it was a card game. They played so much that they made their own rules. Those rules being that you had to use a natural one and seven, which meant wild cards could not be used for those numbers, and you could not play two wild cards consecutively. If you got to witness this madness, pure entertainment.
Finally, I loved my grandpa. I already miss him so much. He was my last grandparent to be alive. My grandpa always believed in me and cared and listened to what I had to say. That mattered so much to me. My grandpa was a big family man. He loved having a crowd of people visiting their lake home in Garrison, especially if it was family. No matter how many there would be, they always would make room, make you feel welcome, and never looked at it as burden. Instead, they always were excited about family coming to see them. That was my grandpa’s world, the way it should be.
My grandfather, Ellsworth George Thomey, will always be one of my biggest inspirations and will always influence the choices that I make in life. He taught me so much and I would have been lost without those experiences. At the end of my interview with him in October of 2012, one of my questions for him was, “How do you want to be remembered?” He responded by saying, “I want to be remembered for being a good father and husband.” I want grandpa to know today, as he is with us today, that not only did do that with great success, but he also impacted so many more in a positive way.
Grandpa, I love you. I already miss you so much. Please take it easy on grandma when you play your first game of Skip-Bo with her up there.
Thank you.
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