Back in the middle of February of 2020, life was normal. I had a four day weekend from work, went out of town for a night with my wife, and everything carried on as it should have. It's crazy to think that in a month's time from that point, I would've worked in person at work for possibly the last time of the school year. That wasn't even comprehendible just 50 days ago.
Three and half weeks ago, when the NBA shut down the NBA season, the next 24 hours was crazy. It didn't feel real. Even just three weeks ago, I didn't really realize what kind of impact the world shutting down from COVID-19 would have on me. For starters, the last three weeks has already felt like three months of time. Minnesota has a 'Stay In Place' order currently in effect that we are in our second week of. It appears that it will be extended until the end of April. One of the hardest things for me is that I am someone that likes to go out and do things. I like to live life, see and experience new things, and be active. I am not really a homebody that likes to hang out. Don't get me wrong, sometimes that sounds wonderful and fantastic, and it is something that I do on occasion, but I like to be busy and doing something. With no movie theaters, no eating out, no bingo, nothing... this is hard.
My last blog post on this blog, was a post about this being my 25th year of working with youth. Check out that blog post here if you haven't read it yet, Blogging Rookie: 25 Years Of Working With Youth. This has been the strangest year of working with youth that I didn't see coming. The interesting thing about late last summer is that I was struggling with the upcoming school year starting. The funny thing is that I didn't even know why. It just wasn't sitting right with me. Fast forward to now, April 4th, after seven months of the 2019-2020 school year, no wonder why I had a funny feeling last late August.
The school year started off pretty wild. I had an experience with two students at work where they turned on me and I thought I maybe was going to be jumped. I had never experienced that on the job and that experience really affected me. As someone who is in his 12th year of working in the environment that I do, I really didn't think that an experience with students like that would've had such an effect on me, but it did. I have gained confidence over the years of doing the job that I do, and I have really learned things along the way that have helped me really focus on how I want to support students in a positive manner, along with bringing appropriate accountability when necessary. I really try to bring a healthy and balanced approach to the students I work with, so they can learn and use the necessary life skills that we try to teach and practice in the work that we do at our school. So when that approach went the other direction on me and led to be me being threatened, I needed some help myself. The day after all that happened, my work partner of over three years moved onto another position. I was happy for her as she has a family of her own to support and I totally understood, but that was a great team that I wasn't ready to have split up. I am a person that doesn't like change, and I think a lot of people can relate to that. This had all happened by September 12th, and it was like buckle up, what else could happen this year? What a stupid question to ask.
The next few weeks left me to being the only one assigned to supporting the students out of the classroom for a while, those were the students that were having personal or school struggles. Thank goodness I work with a great team of people as many often helped me when the demand from the students became too high. They never let me sink, and I will never forget that. We did find a great new addition to the room I work in a month later, and that has worked out good.
After that, there was a period of five weeks where our principal had to be out of work for medical reasons, and then came the COVID-19 effect. All this and there is still 10 weeks left of the school year, which appears to be more and more likely to finish with distance learning for the rest of the school year. So, now everything is shut down except for the essential necessities. I am no longer allowed to go into the building where my school is located as the last day of working with students in-person was Friday, March 13th. That actually wasn't that long ago, but it feels like a hell of a long time ago. The day after that last day with students in person, I came down with Influenza A. I don't think I had ever had Influenza in my life prior to this diagnosis. Influenza A knocked me down for almost a week, and it didn't allow me to really wrap my head around all the changes that were happening all during that time where I couldn't stay awake for more than about three hours. However, I was grateful in saying that I was diagnosed with Influenza A, instead of COVID-19. Once I got over Influenza and was able to grasp everything that was changing by the hour, I just would do and not think. I always take an approach of thinking and having a plan before doing, but in this case, I couldn't do that. I had to keep moving forward and doing, instead of stopping and thinking about everything because it would be overwhelming. Then as things continued to shut down and close, it started leaving me more and more time to think, and that is what is spooking me right now.
When all the restrictions and closures were starting to be put in place because of COVID-19, it was initially to be for a couple of weeks. As time has moved on, it now appears that things are going to be restricted for months potentially, and again, that is overwhelming. I never have had a great support system, and with being a person that usually tries to problem solve on his own, it feels lonely. I am grateful though, I still have my job and I haven't lost my income and livelihood. That would've complicated everything times 10. I never thought I would be video conferencing with my students to support them, but that is the way it has to be. It is tough. Some of my coworkers are my friends and my supports, and I feel like I have lost that because I can't be around them and laugh. This is really stressful and I have hardly any escapes from this COVID-19 lifestyle. One of the things that has snuck up on me is the feeling of FOMO. Fear of missing out. Not being able to be on site at the school has really ramped up that feeling. I always do my job with an approach of being an employee that is irreplaceable, and I have battled myself this year with trying to be relevant. Sometimes I feel like helping others is my purpose and with that, I want to be part of the solution. I don't have to be the best one on the squad, but I want to be someone on the squad that is a necessity to the squad. It is hard to grasp right now and I just hope that now that I can't be at the school helping kids doesn't mean that I am not a necessity to the team. That is how this sudden, new normal affects my thought process.
I will try to stay positive going through this. I mean I have to right? I think it is appropriate at this point to say that this is not going to be a race, but instead a marathon. I am going to have to pace myself. One of the things I have done to adjust to that mindset is to not over consume the news. When I get up and I am getting ready, I will have the morning news on for a bit to see what is going on. Then, I will have on the Minnesota Governor briefing on to hear the facts about COVID-19 and the executive orders in place for Minnesota. That's it. The rest of the time is obviously work, which is a good distraction, and then for me, comedy television or movies. I have never been a dramatic person, in fact I hate drama, and that is why this is kind of hard to write because it feels dramatic. For that I apologize.
I just wanted to check in and update what a crazy school year, my 25th year of working with youth, has been. It feels really good to get this off my shoulders. I will continue to work as hard as I always do with the mindset of being an employee that is irreplaceable. Most importantly, I will try to continue to identify ways to self care. This is something that I have been having conversations on lately, and I will have to figure out what that looks like in our new normal without having so many options that we had before. I will get there. I hope everyone is healthy, and please reach out to someone that is a support for you if you are struggling like many of us are right now. Be kind to everyone.
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