Well I'm back, and it has been awhile. According to my records, this is my first writing since the middle of November, so it has been about three months since my last posting. As I have written before, my relationship with my biological father has not been a successful relationship. A handful of months ago, my cousin Debbie sent me a message stating that my dad may possible be facing a serious health situation involving his heart, and that it may require open heart surgery. I was really glad that she reached out to me and alerted me of this situation, so I picked up the phone and called my dad. It had been quite a while since we had spoken, and I think the best way to explain it is that it is two different personalities that couldn't manage to be on the same page when it needed to be. Unfortunately, my dad is a person that had a lot of friends, had his own business, felt a need to have the best material things to sometimes impress others, and had his priorities be himself first. That isn't an insult to my dad, it is just a description of him. We go through this life often times wishing that everyone was alike, so everyone could just agree, go with the flow, and have everyone get along. While that sounds great, the reality is life would be boring if that was the case. Those things that I described about my dad is a mere description, and I apparently am not cut from the same cloth, because that doesn't describe me. I am a guy who will help anyone anyway I can if there is something I can give in that situation. I obviously don't own my own business, I work in education so I can help guide students to get on the right track sooner than what maybe I had experienced. Material things really don't mean jack crap to me because I don't want a bunch of debt over things that you can't take with you when the ride is over. I prefer to be simple, and I like to laugh to enjoy life. Those are two very different personalities that I just explained and it might be an explanation as to why my dad and I can't connect and be on the same page.
So, a couple of months ago, I reached out. I picked up the phone and called him. He did answer, which I do give him credit for, and I asked him how he was. His response, "I'm good. I am with my brother Joe at a car show." I chose to immediately ask about his potential health crisis. He then explained what was going on. I then put myself out there and asked if he would like to me to be there during the procedure for support. He answered by saying that he wasn't sure when the procedure was yet and he was to have more tests in a week or so, and that he would call me back and let me know. I said okay, but please call me back and let me know. I did not a call back.
So, I let a little time go by and once I knew that he had gone to that doctor appointment and had those tests, I decided again to reach out to him. I sent him a text message, which should've been a phone call on my part, and I asked him if he had his doctor appointment yet? He said, "No, it's next Monday." I responded by saying, "Alright. I hope it goes well. Let me know the results when you get them." I received no response after that. Nine days later, I sent him a text again asking if he had gotten any test results yet? He told me that he did and he was not going to have to have surgery, which was good news. He stated that it was a big relief. I responded with, "I bet. I was waiting to hear." Once I knew he was in clear, I then asked him another question.
I was tired of the back and forth, the disagreements, the blame game going all around. If anyone knows me, I am not fan of drama at all. I am a comedy guy, not a drama guy. Laughter is my coping skill. So, I cut through the crap so to say and I asked my dad, "Do you want to have a connection with me?" He responded, "I don't know that's too big of a question now." I was pretty upset with the response since I had done the reaching out and put myself out there as I had attempted to do before. My response was that I explained that if anything brings people together and brings some clarity to a situation, it is a health scare. I went on to say that the ball was now in his court. "Whether it is in a few weeks, years, or ever...The next attempt will have to be from you", I stated. I went on to say, "If there is never an attempt, that will be sad, but it will ultimately be your choice. Later." He responded with, "K", and that was it.
The big thing that has been clearly evident to me in all my life environments the past few months is accountability and the importance of it. Accountability is healthy, and so many people see it as a negative. Sometimes accountability involves things that may be really difficult to hear, but it is so critical to problem solving. This situation with my dad... I was hoping to have a conversation, which would've included me taking responsibility for my part of the falling out that we had almost 20 years ago, and I was hoping that he would've done the same as sometimes time helps or heals differences. Unfortunately, that was not the outcome. I have come to terms with the situation, and am now comfortable with sharing this experience. My goal here is not to disrespect or blame. My dad has chosen to handle his side of our relationship the way he has and that is his choice, no matter whether I agree with it or not. The time now is to focus on myself, which will include getting healthier, because I want to feel better about things in general. The past few months has included many requests for me to be censored and not say anything about certain things, and I need to learn to speak up more once again. It is something that I have always struggled with, especially in confrontational situations. All my coworkers would probably disagree with that last statement and probably say, "That guy never shuts the hell up." My intention is always good, my goal is not to be destructive, but instead be productive and proactive. I will get there. Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment on any of my postings. Be helpful, not hurtful.
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