If you have been following my blog and the postings, you know that one of my resolutions for the new year is to speak up and have a voice. I am going to have a voice right now expressing some personal frustration. For the past four years now, I have been back at college at Bemidji State University. With my job, I feel like I bring some talent to our staff at our school. At least I hope I do. My philosophy at work is to always put in 100% so that way I am needed as Tim and not as a body. I don't want to be that guy that is just filling a role, but at times I feel that way. I have worked at the same place as my wife for the past 10 years. Prior, to meeting her I feel like my experiences and talents have opened all the positions that I have had. My wife was working at our current school and that gave me an "in" when a position opened up. This is the first time that I ever utilized an "in" to get a job. I don't know if I needed so to say, but it was used. For the first time in my professional life, I felt average. Over the past seven years of working at my current school, I feel like I have progressed in a manner to be above average in the role I serve. A lot of what I have taken on, I have created myself in an attempt to mold myself as irreplaceable. Lately, I feel like I have been losing this battle. A few years ago, we had a great principal by the name of Larry Ronglien. There were some staff that really shared the same views as Larry, and there were some that didn't like him at all. He was the leader that introduced the concept of a behavior level system to me. A behavior level system is currently being used in our school and this is the third year of its existence. After that, the school and Special Education Department wanted to put in place an additional step in helping students with their behavioral needs. The administration of our school wanted a behavior room to give student a place to voice their concerns, process their thoughts, and hopefully help return them to a place where they were willing to return to class. This room worked very well in its first year and it reduced the number of students being sent out of school for behavior issues by 81%.
When this behavior room was being designed, the position was posted as someone needing a teaching degree, which I don't have yet. The idea of me (being unlicensed) as the guy running the behavior room was even introduced to our past superintendent, and it was turned down. I was pretty devastated because I knew what I wanted to do with that room. So I wasn't the right guy for the job apparently. So, the position was opened up publicly for a new hire to come in and operate this behavior room. A gentleman from Illinois applied and was granted an interview. He was offered the position, but then later declined it. The school district had gone through the posting, interviewing, and offering cycle in hiring a new person only ending up in him turning it down. Now, the clock was against the school in hiring this position and with the new school year approaching fast, the choices of candidates was slim. So, my wife decided to go for the position. She has a teaching degree and is a Special Education Teacher, so she was given the position. With her hiring, I now was eliminated from even being a para in that room, because we couldn't work in the same classroom, and we shouldn't work in the same classroom.
So, the first year of the behavior room had a para named Dan. The behavior room was a success, but there was a constant battle with consistency being maintained in the behavior room with expectations and rules, and it eventually led to change. This frustrated me because there wasn't anything I could do to help because I couldn't work in that room. I hated the technicality. Don't get me wrong. I was working in the resource room, which was academically assisting students with their school work. I like that just as well as I am still working in the academic resource room today. But I feel I have a lot of leadership skills, but I feel like I can't get noticed because I either don't have the degree (yet), or my wife works in the same school. Don't get me wrong here, it has been a wonderful set of opportunities for her and she is achieving a lot of success because of those opportunities, but I feel like I am missing out and I feel my career is kind of whizzing by me because there isn't really a right spot for me. As far as the behavior room goes, it is now called the Refocus Room. Dan, the original para in the behavior room, was reassigned to a different position in the school. The para position in the newly named Refocus Room was given to a para named Mary. Mary is great at that job on a daily basis and I think she was the best hire the school has made in my seven years of involvement with the school. She is a rock star. Meanwhile, I am the guy that is relied on to take things on, develop new forms, develop new programming, or organize and set up off-campus trips, but yet I am making the same as someone in the district who just has to be a second set of eyes in a classroom. My message here is not stop relying on me for these thing because I like to contribute, be a team player, and help make our school be the best it possibly can be. But I feel like that bench player in sports waiting for my number to be called for the position I am ready for.
I guess my message in this blog posting is that I feel like I am in a shadow and I feel like I am stuck. I am not sure what to do about it. Our new high leadership in the district on paper sees that I am a para and that right there devalues my opinion in some respects. I don't want be the guy that goes through the motions of a job and then gets old some day and settles for that. I still want to do great things despite the many obstacles that I have in play right now. My goals for this year involved having more of a voice, speaking my mind and feelings more often, and making more money. I have been pretty preoccupied that last four weeks and I still have a LONG way to go on the speaking my mind and feelings part. In fact, I feel like I have regressed in a sense and that needs to change. I cannot be worried about how people will react to my feelings and what I say. I just need to do it.
In the short term, I volunteered to be on a leadership team at work. This is a first step with my voice at work. I know that some of my co-workers will label this leadership team as a "club", a "special meeting", or "a secret". This is not how I view this leadership team. I did not volunteer to be on this team for any selfish reasons. I want to help our school improve. There are improvements that need to be made and I want to voice my opinion on those ideas. Like I said, a good first step. I am not sure what I am going to do about this stuck feeling, but I'll take it one day at a time.
#thanksforlistening
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