Recently, my good friend and former co-worker, Curt Hiltbrunner, recently passed away. Now you have to understand that Curt had a fair amount of health issues, but he seemed to always come out of it every time in good shape. So when I received the news this past Sunday morning that my good friend passed away from my wife, it blindsided me. I was aware of Curt's most recent surgery from a post he made on Facebook back on May 7th. In Curt fashion, he didn't make a big deal about it. He, instead, just mentioned the procedure, and then finished it with Curt humor by saying, "I'm allergic to pain." As always, I wished him a quick recovery and I just figured that everything would be fine, as it was dozens of time before.
I met Curt back in 2008 when I started working at Mille Lacs Academy School, which is part of Onamia Public Schools. Curt had this small classroom, more like an office, where he would work with students individually. Curt was a Special Education Teacher, and he worked with students who had a diagnosis of having a Learning Disability. At the time, I didn't think much of it. I saw that Curt worked with these students very well. I also saw a guy who really enjoyed his cat naps in the chair at his desk to fill the rest of his lunch time. I honestly thought the naps could've of been a food coma sometimes, because he always put the rest of us to shame with his lunches. It was like Manny's Steakhouse with all the fixings and trimmings every single day, it was impressive! I remember telling him that he is lucky to have a wife that cooks so well for him, and he firmly responded with, "I'm the cook in the house!"
That comment introduced me to Curt's true character. He was not afraid to speak his mind, but he also gave everyone a chance. Like I mentioned, he worked very well with his students, and often times that was the key that gave the students he worked with a chance to get their lives back on track and being successful. It wasn't until I worked with Curt, that I realized what the most important trait in working with students successfully is. That trait being the single thing that is a make or break in working with students now, and it is the foundation of my beliefs in working with students today. That trait being relationships. Curt was a master at building successful working relationships with his students. It was a perfect combination of humor and believing in the student that made it work so effectively. To be able to witness Curt in action in working with his students, was magical.
There was a time in my first year with the school that it was common that the paraprofessionals of our school often times had to fill in for the teachers when they were gone. We didn't have access to substitutes to call in really, and we always took care of each other. We had a teacher that needed to be gone for an extended number of days and it was for a classroom of students that were developmentally delayed, which at that time, was our most challenging classroom in the school. There were no plans left by the teacher, and just to simply "wing it" was not an option. So, for five straight days, Curt volunteered to cover the class and teach the students. In fact, he and I did it together. It was a blast, because we both were motivated and determined to make this experience a positive one for the students, and the engagement was amazing to witness, as you saw the students "buy in" because of that engagement. That is when I considered Curt not only to be a mentor of mine, but also a friend, because he never saw me as someone less than him. He didn't identify me as a paraprofessional and him as the teacher. He saw me as an equal and always treated me that way. Curt treated everyone like that at Mille Lacs Academy School.
I remember about seven years ago or so, after Mille Lacs Academy School moved into a new building, Curt had this big classroom to himself. When I say big, I mean it was probably three or four times bigger than the office room he had at the school when it was located at the Crosier Center in Onamia. Even Curt admitted that it was too big for what he needed. Even making his personal desk space bigger, getting a bigger and more comfy chair for his desk, and bringing in his own personal refrigerator didn't help use up all the space. All it did was make him shut off the lights, close his door, and he was set for every fire drill that he refused to evacuate for. As the student base at the school changed, Curt's caseload was increasing and the number of student needs also increased as the school was getting more and more students with a diagnosis of having a Learning Disability. It was becoming more difficult for Curt to meet with every student individually, but yet he had more space that was being unused. I remember the day when another paraprofessional at the school, Cheri Kunesh, and I went to review student IEPs to see how many students that were currently enrolled needed the services that Curt offered. The result was more than ever before, and we pitched the idea to Curt to develop and convert his classroom into an academic resource room, and he was on board with idea from the word go and he became actively involved in making this a reality. This change meant that Curt's workload was going to increase dramatically and that he would potentially have to work with more than one student at a time. He never criticized it, and never even questioned it. He liked the idea because it was simply a way to help more kids. I was lucky as I got to work directly with Curt in that academic resource room for multiple years. I was lucky because it gave me multiple years of learning the importance of building relationships with students and how to do it effectively.
Finally, I want to finish this celebration of Curt by talking about his brutal honesty. Like I said, Curt never intended to be purposely offensive and cared about everyone, especially his family. His brutal honesty often times brought the loud laughs and the greatest humor. I remember hearing from my fellow teachers about a time when Curt was at Special Education training in Little Falls and he was first in line when it came to lunchtime. Like I talked about earlier before, the meals that Curt brought for lunch, really put an emphasis on how important lunch was to him. So, lunch was provided at the training. When the hosts brought out the food, Curt asked them what it was. He was told that it was some kind of pasta salad. His response was, "Yuck! I am not eating that crap, I'm going to Burger King!" He then went on to throw his paper plate and plastic silverware down on the table and walked out and went to Burger King. On a side note, he had his nice name tag on that said he was Curt Hiltbrunner from Onamia Public Schools on. I laugh to this day about this story, because it fits Curt perfectly when describing him. Most importantly, the impact he made on me was the ability to laugh, enjoy life, and he gave me great tools for me to continue to work with students today.
Curt loved his family more than anything and he was clear about that at work, especially when it came to his grandchildren. Curt was proud of everyone of them, and I share their sadness as we celebrate his life. Thank you.
Saturday, May 27, 2017
Friday, December 16, 2016
Guns 'N' Roses in 2017... Yes, Please!
Growing up as a kid, I was pretty well-behaved-as I have mentioned before in previous posts. I was a kid who never got in trouble with the law, and I always followed the rules in the house. Through the growing up years, I became a fan of rock music. Music was helpful for me growing up. I loved music.
So, here is this geeky kid that was well behaved, and loving rock music of the 1980s hair bands. Now, I did not like heavy metal as a rule, instead I loved hard rock music. For example, as legendary of a band that Metallica is, I didn't care for their early stuff, because I wasn't into the head banging music. The music that I became to love, the music that struck the chord, was the music of Guns 'N' Roses.
"Appetite For Destruction" was Guns 'N' Roses debut album in 1987. I was 9 going on 10 years old, and I loved it! Along with myself, I think this is an album where many listeners will listen to every track on this album. With the mega hits of "Welcome to the Jungle", "Paradise City", and the legendary "Sweet Child O'Mine", there were some other tracks that were popular masterpieces on this record. There was "It's So Easy", "Mr. Brownstone", and "Rocket Queen". They instantly became the kings of rock, and my new favorite band.
The next year, in 1988, they followed up Appetite with four new acoustic tracks and combined it with four tracks from their minimally released "Live Like A Suicide" LP to release an album called "Lies". The "Live Like A Suicide" LP is one of the most collectible records to be found as there wasn't many of them. There are many that say that Guns 'N' Roses were responsible for putting acoustic music back on the map with the release of "Lies", and much of that talk began because of another mega hit called, "Patience".
Out of all the songs that I loved on Appetite, "Patience" may be my favorite song of all time. It is close though as I go back and forth between "Patience" and "Sweet Child O'Mine". While the kings of rock were leading the way, their track "One In A Million" brought some negative press to the band.
Fast forward to the present day. Ever since GNR self destructed in the late 1990s due to many clashing egos, I always hoped that the original band would get back together. That seemed impossible and only a dream for the past 20 years. Finally, in early 2016, guitarist Slash admitted in an interview that he and Axl Rose were finally "cool" again. This sparked the questions and also the rumors that a reunion was now finally possible. In the spring of 2016, Axl Rose, Slash, and Duff McKagan, the original three members announced that they were reuniting for a stadium tour in the summer of 2016. I was pumped, excited, and ready to shell out some serious money to go see this. Then, after the tour stops were announced, I realized the closest venue was going to be Chicago. This was disappointing.
Once the summer "Not In This Lifetime" tour came to a close, GNR announced some dates across the pond. Fast forwarding to now, at the beginning of this month, Guns 'N' Roses again started putting up some random billboards across the United States and Canada. Some of them said "Patience", and some of them said "Welcome To The Jungle". One of those billboards ended up popping up in Minneapolis, which only meant it was a matter of time for an announcement. A few days later, it was announced that GNR was going to be performing with the original trio on Saturday, July 30th, 2017 at the shiny and new U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis. I am pumped and excited! I never thought this day was going to come as it puts over 20 years of hope finally to sleep, and I am going!
Throughout all these years and how rock music has evolved, and in a lot of cases disappeared, Guns 'N' Roses is still my favorite band. Their music opened me up to rock music and other great bands like Def Leppard, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and most recently Shinedown. Whenever I hear that opening riff of "Sweet Child O'Mine", it sounds as fresh as the day it was debuted. For some reason, much of "today's music" doesn't carry that timeless quality.
#GnFnR
So, here is this geeky kid that was well behaved, and loving rock music of the 1980s hair bands. Now, I did not like heavy metal as a rule, instead I loved hard rock music. For example, as legendary of a band that Metallica is, I didn't care for their early stuff, because I wasn't into the head banging music. The music that I became to love, the music that struck the chord, was the music of Guns 'N' Roses.
"Appetite For Destruction" was Guns 'N' Roses debut album in 1987. I was 9 going on 10 years old, and I loved it! Along with myself, I think this is an album where many listeners will listen to every track on this album. With the mega hits of "Welcome to the Jungle", "Paradise City", and the legendary "Sweet Child O'Mine", there were some other tracks that were popular masterpieces on this record. There was "It's So Easy", "Mr. Brownstone", and "Rocket Queen". They instantly became the kings of rock, and my new favorite band.
The next year, in 1988, they followed up Appetite with four new acoustic tracks and combined it with four tracks from their minimally released "Live Like A Suicide" LP to release an album called "Lies". The "Live Like A Suicide" LP is one of the most collectible records to be found as there wasn't many of them. There are many that say that Guns 'N' Roses were responsible for putting acoustic music back on the map with the release of "Lies", and much of that talk began because of another mega hit called, "Patience".
Out of all the songs that I loved on Appetite, "Patience" may be my favorite song of all time. It is close though as I go back and forth between "Patience" and "Sweet Child O'Mine". While the kings of rock were leading the way, their track "One In A Million" brought some negative press to the band.
Fast forward to the present day. Ever since GNR self destructed in the late 1990s due to many clashing egos, I always hoped that the original band would get back together. That seemed impossible and only a dream for the past 20 years. Finally, in early 2016, guitarist Slash admitted in an interview that he and Axl Rose were finally "cool" again. This sparked the questions and also the rumors that a reunion was now finally possible. In the spring of 2016, Axl Rose, Slash, and Duff McKagan, the original three members announced that they were reuniting for a stadium tour in the summer of 2016. I was pumped, excited, and ready to shell out some serious money to go see this. Then, after the tour stops were announced, I realized the closest venue was going to be Chicago. This was disappointing.
Once the summer "Not In This Lifetime" tour came to a close, GNR announced some dates across the pond. Fast forwarding to now, at the beginning of this month, Guns 'N' Roses again started putting up some random billboards across the United States and Canada. Some of them said "Patience", and some of them said "Welcome To The Jungle". One of those billboards ended up popping up in Minneapolis, which only meant it was a matter of time for an announcement. A few days later, it was announced that GNR was going to be performing with the original trio on Saturday, July 30th, 2017 at the shiny and new U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis. I am pumped and excited! I never thought this day was going to come as it puts over 20 years of hope finally to sleep, and I am going!
Throughout all these years and how rock music has evolved, and in a lot of cases disappeared, Guns 'N' Roses is still my favorite band. Their music opened me up to rock music and other great bands like Def Leppard, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and most recently Shinedown. Whenever I hear that opening riff of "Sweet Child O'Mine", it sounds as fresh as the day it was debuted. For some reason, much of "today's music" doesn't carry that timeless quality.
#GnFnR
Saturday, October 22, 2016
My Complete Unedited Eulogy To My Hero, My Grandfather, Ellsworth George Thomey
Today is the one year anniversary of my grandfather's passing and it truly took a part of me when he passed. At his funeral, which took place on November 6th, 2015, I was honored to deliver his eulogy. The unfortunate part was that I had to edit it and trim it down to fit some time frames. I was not given a heads up by the church about the limitations. So in honor of my grandfather, and to celebrate the first anniversary of his passing, out of much respect, I give you the complete, full, unedited version of my eulogy. The edited one put me to tears, so here is the expanded and complete version. I love you grandma and grandpa. I think about you everyday.
Eulogy for Ellsworth George Thomey
Service Date: Friday, November 6th, 2015
Good morning. Today we are here to celebrate Ellsworth Thomey. To me, he was known as grandpa. You may here grandpa a lot today in this eulogy. I was very close to both my grandpa and grandma and I am honored to be able to share my knowledge today with all of you about this great man. Besides all the times I spent with grandpa, I was lucky enough to be able to talk with him back in October, of 2012, to learn his complete life story. Some of what you hear today will be things that I learned during that interview. The interview was done for a college class assignment, but I got so much more out that experience than just a completed assignment. I was lucky for that opportunity.
Grandpa was born on April 21st, 1921. He was the youngest child and really his parents were rooting for a second daughter instead of another boy. So, my grandpa’s dad worked on the railroad and had a grueling schedule, which meant that grandpa decided to enter the world at time when his father was not home because he was working. So, when my great grandmother went into labor with grandpa, the neighbor gave her a ride to the hospital. That neighbor’s name was Ellsworth. So, they named grandpa after the neighbor that gave his mom a ride to the hospital. The reason for this, is because they were counting on a girl and hadn’t settled on a boy name. Grandpa told me that if the neighbor wasn’t around, then he would’ve been named John, which was a common family name. Ironically, many years later, many knew my grandpa by his nickname of John.
Grandpa’s main duty in the house he grew up in was hauling ashes from the coal furnace. Before they could go out and play on Saturdays, everyone had to participate in clothes washing day, this was something my grandpa hated doing as a child.
Grandpa also told me that when he was young, if he was lucky enough to have 10 cents, he would go to a double header movie and have cereal for a snack. Grandpa’s favorite subject in school was math until he reached geometry, and then it became his worst subject. This experience was very similar for me.
After grandpa’s eighth grade graduation, his ball coach really wanted grandpa to go to the Minneapolis Millers Baseball Training Camp to try out for minor league professional baseball. Grandpa thought about it, but declined the opportunity to further his education, which he did by attending vocational school.
Grandpa did not finish vocational school because some time between 1937 and 1939, grandpa and his brothers acquired The Thomey Brothers Market, which was located on Cedar Lake Road and Oliver in Minneapolis.
My grandpa once told me a Thomey Brothers Market story. He told me that a representative from a new cola company came into the store one day and offered my grandpa the opportunity to purchase shares of stock for the new cola company at 25 cents a share. He opted not to take the risk and he said that honestly they couldn’t afford it anyways. By the way, the new cola company’s name was Pepsi.
My grandpa remembered that many of the films shown when he was young were westerns. Grandpa continued to love westerns throughout his life as he loved reading Louis L’Amour books.
Grandpa’s favorite musical artist was Frank Sinatra. He told me that every week, when he was young, he and his siblings would rush home from playing outside so they could watch the Frank Sinatra Hit of the Week.
Things got interesting for grandpa in the year 1940. My grandfather took a date to a dance out at Lake Minnetonka. His future wife, Leone, was also at that dance. They both had different dates, but ended up riding home in the same car. On Christmas Eve of 1940, my grandpa gave my grandma an engagement ring to marry my grandma for a marriage that lasted over 70 years.
In 1951, grandpa followed his dad’s footsteps and joined the railroad as a locomotive engineer. Although he was past the maximum hiring age, it was his dad’s seniority that afforded my grandpa the opportunity.
My grandparents lived in many places. They lived in New York and California and then decided to live in Saint Louis Park, Minnesota. Eventually, they relocated to New Hope for more space in their home and grandpa retired from the railroad in 1975. In 1978, the sold their New Hope home and relocated to Garrison, Minnesota. Their lake home in Garrison was a place many of us here today connected to. For me personally, it wasn’t just a connection, it was special.
I was lucky. I got to spend a lot of time with grandpa. Many summers, when the school year was complete, I got to live with them in Garrison. I watched Sesame Street as a young boy as it was one of only three channels they could get. My grandpa also taught me how to fish and golf. My grandpa always took the time to be patient with me and teach me the skills I would need in life.
My grandpa taught me the importance of honesty and trust. He also taught me the importance of responsibility. My grandpa also helped me get my first job at the age of 15, which was at the Garrison Dairy Queen that no longer exists.
My pure excitement of going to lake and spending time with my grandparents was the main influence for me living north today. When I was up at the lake, it was a big deal to go to the big city of Brainerd. That is where I went with my grandparents to help them with all their shopping. There was no Baxter, just Brainerd.
The railroad must be in our blood. I say this because one of the exciting things for me about going to Brainerd was hoping to see a train going through town while we were there. There was one particular street in Brainerd that had railroad tracks going right down the middle of the street, and this fascinated me. It wasn’t until I was about 23 years old and driving to Brainerd with my grandma, Leone (Stevie), when I finally saw a train going down the middle of that street. I was giddy like a seven year old boy seeing that.
My grandfather was very particular with the games he played. He loved the game of cribbage. Again, he took the time and had the patience to teach me the game of cribbage. I would not know that game today had he not taught it to me. He loved to play the board game of Aggravation with his friends and Garrison neighbors Gordy Henderson and Bud Cochrane. I remember time and time again, grandpa playing Aggravation with Bud Cochrane. First he had to get a bathroom towel and set it up on the dining room table so the dice could roll cleanly but yet stay on the table. Second, the box top of the board game was propped against the chair at the end of the dining room table and that is what they used to throw the dice against. On occasion, the dice would not land cleanly, even on the bathroom towel, and then the brief argument ensued about which number was facing up, because every move counted because there was a dollar riding on the game.
I also remember grandpa and grandma playing Skip-Bo as their game of choice. Let me tell you, if there was one thing that tested their 70 years of marriage, it was Skip-Bo. You see, Skip-Bo was a game that they played often, mainly due to the fact that my grandma had macular degeneration in her eyes and the Skip-Bo cards had numbers big enough to read. Now, there was no bathroom towel needed for Skip-Bo because there was no dice, and this game didn’t have to be played at the dining room table like the big leagues of Aggravation. I was lucky enough to be able to play in many of these Skip-Bo games with my grandparents, and all I can say is that it was pure entertainment and that had nothing to do with the fact that it was a card game. They played so much that they made their own rules. Those rules being that you had to use a natural one and seven, which meant wild cards could not be used for those numbers, and you could not play two wild cards consecutively. If you got to witness this madness, pure entertainment.
Finally, I loved my grandpa. I already miss him so much. He was my last grandparent to be alive. My grandpa always believed in me and cared and listened to what I had to say. That mattered so much to me. My grandpa was a big family man. He loved having a crowd of people visiting their lake home in Garrison, especially if it was family. No matter how many there would be, they always would make room, make you feel welcome, and never looked at it as burden. Instead, they always were excited about family coming to see them. That was my grandpa’s world, the way it should be.
My grandfather, Ellsworth George Thomey, will always be one of my biggest inspirations and will always influence the choices that I make in life. He taught me so much and I would have been lost without those experiences. At the end of my interview with him in October of 2012, one of my questions for him was, “How do you want to be remembered?” He responded by saying, “I want to be remembered for being a good father and husband.” I want grandpa to know today, as he is with us today, that not only did do that with great success, but he also impacted so many more in a positive way.
Eulogy for Ellsworth George Thomey
Service Date: Friday, November 6th, 2015
Good morning. Today we are here to celebrate Ellsworth Thomey. To me, he was known as grandpa. You may here grandpa a lot today in this eulogy. I was very close to both my grandpa and grandma and I am honored to be able to share my knowledge today with all of you about this great man. Besides all the times I spent with grandpa, I was lucky enough to be able to talk with him back in October, of 2012, to learn his complete life story. Some of what you hear today will be things that I learned during that interview. The interview was done for a college class assignment, but I got so much more out that experience than just a completed assignment. I was lucky for that opportunity.
Grandpa was born on April 21st, 1921. He was the youngest child and really his parents were rooting for a second daughter instead of another boy. So, my grandpa’s dad worked on the railroad and had a grueling schedule, which meant that grandpa decided to enter the world at time when his father was not home because he was working. So, when my great grandmother went into labor with grandpa, the neighbor gave her a ride to the hospital. That neighbor’s name was Ellsworth. So, they named grandpa after the neighbor that gave his mom a ride to the hospital. The reason for this, is because they were counting on a girl and hadn’t settled on a boy name. Grandpa told me that if the neighbor wasn’t around, then he would’ve been named John, which was a common family name. Ironically, many years later, many knew my grandpa by his nickname of John.
Grandpa grew up in the Bryn Mawr neighborhood of Minneapolis and he told me two things that he remembered about his childhood home. The first being a mural that was painted in the dining room by Claude Elert, and second, was the crib that he slept in as a baby. He said that he specifically remembered how the knobs looked like a lion’s head.
On the weekends growing up, grandpa and his siblings would get up in the morning and play all day in the neighborhood. They would play softball, football, and skiing. On days when they had to stay indoors, he and his siblings would play hockey in the basement and they would use oatmeal boxes for shin guards.
Grandpa’s main duty in the house he grew up in was hauling ashes from the coal furnace. Before they could go out and play on Saturdays, everyone had to participate in clothes washing day, this was something my grandpa hated doing as a child.
Grandpa also told me that when he was young, if he was lucky enough to have 10 cents, he would go to a double header movie and have cereal for a snack. Grandpa’s favorite subject in school was math until he reached geometry, and then it became his worst subject. This experience was very similar for me.
After grandpa’s eighth grade graduation, his ball coach really wanted grandpa to go to the Minneapolis Millers Baseball Training Camp to try out for minor league professional baseball. Grandpa thought about it, but declined the opportunity to further his education, which he did by attending vocational school.
Grandpa did not finish vocational school because some time between 1937 and 1939, grandpa and his brothers acquired The Thomey Brothers Market, which was located on Cedar Lake Road and Oliver in Minneapolis.
My grandpa once told me a Thomey Brothers Market story. He told me that a representative from a new cola company came into the store one day and offered my grandpa the opportunity to purchase shares of stock for the new cola company at 25 cents a share. He opted not to take the risk and he said that honestly they couldn’t afford it anyways. By the way, the new cola company’s name was Pepsi.
My grandpa remembered that many of the films shown when he was young were westerns. Grandpa continued to love westerns throughout his life as he loved reading Louis L’Amour books.
Grandpa’s favorite musical artist was Frank Sinatra. He told me that every week, when he was young, he and his siblings would rush home from playing outside so they could watch the Frank Sinatra Hit of the Week.
Things got interesting for grandpa in the year 1940. My grandfather took a date to a dance out at Lake Minnetonka. His future wife, Leone, was also at that dance. They both had different dates, but ended up riding home in the same car. On Christmas Eve of 1940, my grandpa gave my grandma an engagement ring to marry my grandma for a marriage that lasted over 70 years.
In 1951, grandpa followed his dad’s footsteps and joined the railroad as a locomotive engineer. Although he was past the maximum hiring age, it was his dad’s seniority that afforded my grandpa the opportunity.
My grandparents lived in many places. They lived in New York and California and then decided to live in Saint Louis Park, Minnesota. Eventually, they relocated to New Hope for more space in their home and grandpa retired from the railroad in 1975. In 1978, the sold their New Hope home and relocated to Garrison, Minnesota. Their lake home in Garrison was a place many of us here today connected to. For me personally, it wasn’t just a connection, it was special.
I was lucky. I got to spend a lot of time with grandpa. Many summers, when the school year was complete, I got to live with them in Garrison. I watched Sesame Street as a young boy as it was one of only three channels they could get. My grandpa also taught me how to fish and golf. My grandpa always took the time to be patient with me and teach me the skills I would need in life.
My grandpa taught me the importance of honesty and trust. He also taught me the importance of responsibility. My grandpa also helped me get my first job at the age of 15, which was at the Garrison Dairy Queen that no longer exists.
My pure excitement of going to lake and spending time with my grandparents was the main influence for me living north today. When I was up at the lake, it was a big deal to go to the big city of Brainerd. That is where I went with my grandparents to help them with all their shopping. There was no Baxter, just Brainerd.
The railroad must be in our blood. I say this because one of the exciting things for me about going to Brainerd was hoping to see a train going through town while we were there. There was one particular street in Brainerd that had railroad tracks going right down the middle of the street, and this fascinated me. It wasn’t until I was about 23 years old and driving to Brainerd with my grandma, Leone (Stevie), when I finally saw a train going down the middle of that street. I was giddy like a seven year old boy seeing that.
My grandfather was very particular with the games he played. He loved the game of cribbage. Again, he took the time and had the patience to teach me the game of cribbage. I would not know that game today had he not taught it to me. He loved to play the board game of Aggravation with his friends and Garrison neighbors Gordy Henderson and Bud Cochrane. I remember time and time again, grandpa playing Aggravation with Bud Cochrane. First he had to get a bathroom towel and set it up on the dining room table so the dice could roll cleanly but yet stay on the table. Second, the box top of the board game was propped against the chair at the end of the dining room table and that is what they used to throw the dice against. On occasion, the dice would not land cleanly, even on the bathroom towel, and then the brief argument ensued about which number was facing up, because every move counted because there was a dollar riding on the game.
I also remember grandpa and grandma playing Skip-Bo as their game of choice. Let me tell you, if there was one thing that tested their 70 years of marriage, it was Skip-Bo. You see, Skip-Bo was a game that they played often, mainly due to the fact that my grandma had macular degeneration in her eyes and the Skip-Bo cards had numbers big enough to read. Now, there was no bathroom towel needed for Skip-Bo because there was no dice, and this game didn’t have to be played at the dining room table like the big leagues of Aggravation. I was lucky enough to be able to play in many of these Skip-Bo games with my grandparents, and all I can say is that it was pure entertainment and that had nothing to do with the fact that it was a card game. They played so much that they made their own rules. Those rules being that you had to use a natural one and seven, which meant wild cards could not be used for those numbers, and you could not play two wild cards consecutively. If you got to witness this madness, pure entertainment.
Finally, I loved my grandpa. I already miss him so much. He was my last grandparent to be alive. My grandpa always believed in me and cared and listened to what I had to say. That mattered so much to me. My grandpa was a big family man. He loved having a crowd of people visiting their lake home in Garrison, especially if it was family. No matter how many there would be, they always would make room, make you feel welcome, and never looked at it as burden. Instead, they always were excited about family coming to see them. That was my grandpa’s world, the way it should be.
My grandfather, Ellsworth George Thomey, will always be one of my biggest inspirations and will always influence the choices that I make in life. He taught me so much and I would have been lost without those experiences. At the end of my interview with him in October of 2012, one of my questions for him was, “How do you want to be remembered?” He responded by saying, “I want to be remembered for being a good father and husband.” I want grandpa to know today, as he is with us today, that not only did do that with great success, but he also impacted so many more in a positive way.
Grandpa, I love you. I already miss you so much. Please take it easy on grandma when you play your first game of Skip-Bo with her up there.
Thank you.
Monday, June 6, 2016
ALICE Training Institute
I am passionate about many things. Those of you who know me, know that I am passionate about fundraising, recycling, upcycling, and energy efficiency. I have been involved in programs such as Schools For Energy Efficiency (SEE Program), Box Tops For Education, Teracycle, Project 4 Teens, and even co-created "Youth Action Force", a community organization aimed at getting the youth more involved in the community. So, when I buy in, I buy in big and give full effort into something that I am passionate about. I just was introduced and trained in something that wasn't even on my radar a few months ago.
For many, many years, the school I worked at participated in five stated mandated school lockdown drills, as every Minnesota school is required to do by state law. At the school I was at, it was called a Code Red drill. So, like we were trained year after year, we supported the traditional lockdown scenario of locking the door, turning off the lights, and getting the students and staff into a corner that was out of sight of the windows of the hallway and just sit. And by sit, I mean... sit, and sit, and sit, and sit. Granted our drills were only a few minutes long, waiting and anticipating for a law enforcement officer to come shake our door handle to make sure it was locked, was pretty stressful. It increased your heart rate, and made your anxiety get to new heights. The foolish thing about this drill was expecting a room full of students to be absolutely silent. In fact, law enforcement would tell us that if this was a real lockdown scenario, then we would be sitting in silence for possibly hours. That should've been my first red flag in realizing that this method of practice was simply not realistic.
One of the first Code Red drills I participated in was in a class that included a student that was very angry at everything in life, including the school staff that was attempting to help him. I was worried that this particular student was going to purposely make noise during the drill to alert law enforcement that there were students in that room, which in turn would alert a real active shooter that there were students in this particular room. As time went on during the drill (we were several minutes into the drill), everyone was doing a great job being quiet and was successfully participating in the drill. Just as the anticipation of our classroom door knob being checked, a student next to me opened and shut a cabinet door loudly. It was not the student that I was concerned about during the drill, instead it was a student who was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and just simply could no longer handle the task of being absolutely silent. That was only after just a few minutes. The funny thing is that the student that I was most concerned about, was the only student to quietly tell the student who had opened and shut the cabinet to be quiet, and he did it respectfully. This should've been my second red flag, the fact that there are many special needs students who are a part of an inclusive environment that may not be able to handle this model of practice. It wasn't until an alternative was introduced to me that finally caused me to see those red flags and realize that we had been practicing for many years, was simply ineffective and not the solution we were looking for.
A few months ago, the school resource officer for the district that I worked for, introduced the lockdown procedures that the local law enforcement was endorsing. I was intrigued. It was a brief one hour summary session to the key people in the school I was working in. At first, the ideas of the ALICE Training Institute seemed far fetched for me. After all, I spent nearly 10 years learning the traditional system, but I kept an open mind. After the one hour session, I wanted to hear more.
I was presented the opportunity to go to a two day training to become a certified instructor for the ALICE Training Institute and I was the first on my team to become trained. I will tell you that I had some reservations about going through with the training because it was considered a "reality based training". For this training, by registering, I was agreeing to a waiver of liability and and also a waiver of injury and death. That is not something that comes up very often when you go to an educational training. The email I received from the instructor of the course informed me to wear a heavy sweatshirt or jacket to the first day of training to avoid injury during the artillery portion of the training that was going to include real life scenarios. This was the part I was literally nervous about, but I told myself to buck up and deal with it. It was too important to back out of.
So, ALICE, came into existence in 2001 and didn't arrive in Minnesota until 2013. The purpose of ALICE is to give people, especially educators, options in an active shooter situation. ALICE is an acronym that stands for Alert Lockdown Inform Counter Evacuate. It gives a person options no matter what type of active shooter situation that may occur. After my 16 hour training to become certified, I quickly created a 50 slide presentation where I can educate people on how to save as many lives as possible in an active shooter situation. I am totally sold on ALICE and I am passionate about it. There were a half a dozen law enforcement officers in the training that I participated in and it was really cool to see that, because it tells me that communities and schools are working together to keep their environments safe.
I did my first very brief introduction to the staff I currently work with about a week ago, and it was only 20 minutes long and barely scratched the surface of the program. After that 20 minutes, I had several staff that approached me asking for the two to four hour program that I am instructed to teach. The interest was there and people want to be informed. I didn't expect that reaction after just a 20 minute intro, but it showed me that I was effective in sharing my newest passion, which is helping people save lives.
After looking at Columbine High School in Colorado, Red Lake School in Minnesota, Chardon High School in Ohio, Virginia Tech College, and Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut, it shows that this can happen anywhere and happen at anytime. In my very brief research, there have been 178 school shootings since the tragedy at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado in 1999. Now think about all the active shooting situations that don't take place at schools, such as the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, the workplace shootings at Accent Signage in Minneapolis or in Kansas at the lawn mower factory. Don't forget about the shootings that have also occurred in retail stores, shopping malls, and restaurants and fast food places. The ALICE program can be used in all of these scenarios and really is the teaching of a newer life skill.
I am excited to continue to educate people on this program that I was just certified to instruct this past May. It really changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I have a new found higher level of respect for the victims of such an awful act. I hope I never have to ever encounter a real life situation with an active shooter, but I feel better today knowing that I am better prepared and have more options if I do.
#ALICE
For many, many years, the school I worked at participated in five stated mandated school lockdown drills, as every Minnesota school is required to do by state law. At the school I was at, it was called a Code Red drill. So, like we were trained year after year, we supported the traditional lockdown scenario of locking the door, turning off the lights, and getting the students and staff into a corner that was out of sight of the windows of the hallway and just sit. And by sit, I mean... sit, and sit, and sit, and sit. Granted our drills were only a few minutes long, waiting and anticipating for a law enforcement officer to come shake our door handle to make sure it was locked, was pretty stressful. It increased your heart rate, and made your anxiety get to new heights. The foolish thing about this drill was expecting a room full of students to be absolutely silent. In fact, law enforcement would tell us that if this was a real lockdown scenario, then we would be sitting in silence for possibly hours. That should've been my first red flag in realizing that this method of practice was simply not realistic.
One of the first Code Red drills I participated in was in a class that included a student that was very angry at everything in life, including the school staff that was attempting to help him. I was worried that this particular student was going to purposely make noise during the drill to alert law enforcement that there were students in that room, which in turn would alert a real active shooter that there were students in this particular room. As time went on during the drill (we were several minutes into the drill), everyone was doing a great job being quiet and was successfully participating in the drill. Just as the anticipation of our classroom door knob being checked, a student next to me opened and shut a cabinet door loudly. It was not the student that I was concerned about during the drill, instead it was a student who was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and just simply could no longer handle the task of being absolutely silent. That was only after just a few minutes. The funny thing is that the student that I was most concerned about, was the only student to quietly tell the student who had opened and shut the cabinet to be quiet, and he did it respectfully. This should've been my second red flag, the fact that there are many special needs students who are a part of an inclusive environment that may not be able to handle this model of practice. It wasn't until an alternative was introduced to me that finally caused me to see those red flags and realize that we had been practicing for many years, was simply ineffective and not the solution we were looking for.
A few months ago, the school resource officer for the district that I worked for, introduced the lockdown procedures that the local law enforcement was endorsing. I was intrigued. It was a brief one hour summary session to the key people in the school I was working in. At first, the ideas of the ALICE Training Institute seemed far fetched for me. After all, I spent nearly 10 years learning the traditional system, but I kept an open mind. After the one hour session, I wanted to hear more.
I was presented the opportunity to go to a two day training to become a certified instructor for the ALICE Training Institute and I was the first on my team to become trained. I will tell you that I had some reservations about going through with the training because it was considered a "reality based training". For this training, by registering, I was agreeing to a waiver of liability and and also a waiver of injury and death. That is not something that comes up very often when you go to an educational training. The email I received from the instructor of the course informed me to wear a heavy sweatshirt or jacket to the first day of training to avoid injury during the artillery portion of the training that was going to include real life scenarios. This was the part I was literally nervous about, but I told myself to buck up and deal with it. It was too important to back out of.
So, ALICE, came into existence in 2001 and didn't arrive in Minnesota until 2013. The purpose of ALICE is to give people, especially educators, options in an active shooter situation. ALICE is an acronym that stands for Alert Lockdown Inform Counter Evacuate. It gives a person options no matter what type of active shooter situation that may occur. After my 16 hour training to become certified, I quickly created a 50 slide presentation where I can educate people on how to save as many lives as possible in an active shooter situation. I am totally sold on ALICE and I am passionate about it. There were a half a dozen law enforcement officers in the training that I participated in and it was really cool to see that, because it tells me that communities and schools are working together to keep their environments safe.
I did my first very brief introduction to the staff I currently work with about a week ago, and it was only 20 minutes long and barely scratched the surface of the program. After that 20 minutes, I had several staff that approached me asking for the two to four hour program that I am instructed to teach. The interest was there and people want to be informed. I didn't expect that reaction after just a 20 minute intro, but it showed me that I was effective in sharing my newest passion, which is helping people save lives.
After looking at Columbine High School in Colorado, Red Lake School in Minnesota, Chardon High School in Ohio, Virginia Tech College, and Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut, it shows that this can happen anywhere and happen at anytime. In my very brief research, there have been 178 school shootings since the tragedy at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado in 1999. Now think about all the active shooting situations that don't take place at schools, such as the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, the workplace shootings at Accent Signage in Minneapolis or in Kansas at the lawn mower factory. Don't forget about the shootings that have also occurred in retail stores, shopping malls, and restaurants and fast food places. The ALICE program can be used in all of these scenarios and really is the teaching of a newer life skill.
I am excited to continue to educate people on this program that I was just certified to instruct this past May. It really changed my perspective on a lot of things, and I have a new found higher level of respect for the victims of such an awful act. I hope I never have to ever encounter a real life situation with an active shooter, but I feel better today knowing that I am better prepared and have more options if I do.
#ALICE
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Open Letter To The Sarych Family
Hello everyone. I miss my other side of my family. For the past twenty years, I have essentially been estranged from my father's side of the family. This really isn't much by my choosing, but instead it was more forced on me than anything.
I had a falling out with my father when I was just eighteen years old. When I graduated high school, I really was a lost graduate. My parents went through an ugly divorce, which I was put in the middle of often, and no one had any money saved for me to attend college. My parents were both making enough money financially where I was unable to qualify for any type of financial aid. Being 18 years old and having the stress of college cost placed on you is daunting.
I attempted to make best of the situation. I decided to start my college life by attending a cheaper option of North Hennepin Community College, and I was fine with that. I talked with my dad about being able to work for him at his auto body shop around my college classes. This was agreed on and this plan actually went into action. Everything was going well, and I was young and willing to help. It was also exposing me to the auto body industry to see if this was an interest I had for the future. After a couple of months of employment at my dad's shop, his detailer was no longer employed at the shop and my dad looked to me to handle the responsibility of detailing the cars right before they went back to the customer. I was ok with this and it was a skill I was willing to learn.
Then there was one day when I was out back behind the shop on a slower business day helping my dad with some of his personal belongings that he had stored on the property. One of the things that we were moving on this day was that big giant satellite dish that he used to have in the yard of his Maple Grove home that was on Rice Lake. It was obsolete and he was getting rid of it. It was huge, it was heavy, and I was caught off guard at how heavy it was. While I was standing on the trailer that was connected to his truck or whatever he was using to pull the trailer. While I was lifting this heavy thing of metal, my dad pulled the truck slightly ahead. This caused me to lose my grip of this heavy satellite dish, and forced me to act quick so this thing didn't land on top of me. After the satellite dish was secure, I got off the trailer and was in sudden pain as I took my first step. I knew something wasn't right, and I don't like going to the doctor. The pain persisted so I had to go to the doctor to see what had happened. In your hip you have a bursa sac that protects the hip joint and I had a diagnosis of tearing my right bursa sac. The treatment required for this injury was to participate in physical therapy for two or three times a week for 8 to 12 weeks. If you know me, I am not one to baby myself or cry foul at any little injury. After the diagnosis and treatment suggestions, I went back to my dad and told him what I needed to do. He was unwilling to work with me and simply told me that it wasn't going to work because he needed a detailer. So, that was the end of my employment with his business and there was no follow up attempt to talk about things or fix things.
I won't lie, I was hurt and angry and I was 18 years old and didn't understand why my own dad didn't want to see if I was ok or why he didn't want this fixed. I moved on in life and just accepted the cards that had been dealt to me. Prior to this, I feel I had a strong relationship with everyone on the Sarych side of the family, and everyone treated me with respect and I missed that.
I went through many years of being lost and not having much of a support system and that was hard. At the time when I went through it, I didn't realize how much it was affecting me or how truly lost I had become because of it.
Then there was my sister Molly. I knew that she was too young to understand what was going on and I hated the fact that I lost my relationship with my sister because of these actions.
In my communications with my dad in the last five years that we were in communication, he was very good about not accepting responsibility for his part. I admit it, I was 18 years old... I was a young, dumb kid that probably had a big ego and probably acted like I knew everything, just like many 18 year olds do. So, I didn't try to fix it, because I knew the stance my dad was going to take, which blaming me for what had went down. Instead of blowing it out of proportion and "making a scene", I just let it go. At the time, I felt I didn't have many options. I wish my dad had been more willing to give me more options.
I got married in the 2006. I hadn't sent out any invitations to the Sarych Family because of where things currently stood. I honestly felt like my dad had given his version of the story to everyone in the family and that is the story that was going to be believed. I felt that if I took an attempt to tell my side... I felt like I wouldn't have been heard, because I felt like I didn't have a voice and that people wouldn't care. So, a couple of weeks prior to my wedding, my wife Kari wanted me to reach out to my dad because she felt that it was important to invite him and give him the choice to be at his son's wedding. So, I did. It is hard to reconnect with someone after so many years, especially when there hadn't been one attempt to contact me. I was hurt, but I respected my wife's wishes and I got a hold of my dad to meet prior to the wedding. We met at Maynard's Restaurant in Rogers, MN and it didn't go well. My dad was upset with me, blaming me for the falling out, and blaming me for the affect that the falling out had on Molly. This is not what I wanted to address at this meeting as this was the first time my dad was meeting my wife. At one point, it got so heated that I had to get up and walk out of the restaurant. I was pissed off. I didn't understand why this had to continue on. I didn't understand why my dad wanted to battle with me. I didn't know if it was a carry over from the ugly divorce with my mom, I just didn't know. My wife ended up telling my dad that she was the one that wanted to meet him prior to us getting married and that I made the effort to contact him and try to make this a go and a positive experience and also to try and move forward from the past. It didn't go that way.
I still invited him to the wedding and I was especially excited to see my Uncle Joe, Uncle David, and Aunt Frosty at my wedding. I really missed them and was thrilled to have them all the way up in Baudette, Minnesota (six hours north of the Twin Cities) to celebrate my big day with me. I remember that I spent most of one night sitting in the hotel room visiting with the Sarych's. I missed that.
It has been almost 10 years since my wedding day and there still has been no progress in improving my relationship with my dad. I have basically written off the opportunity to fix it and that is sad. I work with kids everyday and I see how important a dad is and I often ask myself why I never got to have that after I was 18. There were a few encounters where I ran into my dad at places. There was an encounter at a local bar and grill just north of Milaca in 2011. The bar and grill was just about a mile from our new home that we purchased in 2010. When I saw him, I said hello and invited him to come down the road to see our first new home. My dad responded with, "maybe some other time" and left. I was hurt.
I most recently ran into my dad last fall at Broadway Pizza in Garrison, Minnesota and I was notified by my wife that he was sitting on the other side of the wall in the restaurant. I could have very easily avoided my dad, but I chose not to. I said hello, I shook his hand, and I was respectful. We did small talk about life, but several times he asked me how many years it had been since we talked. I could tell by the conversation that this was an attempt to continue the disastrous conversation that took place at Maynard's 10 years ago, and I wasn't going to engage in that. In the 10 years since that conversation, I worked with youth in a treatment setting that went through very abusive and unhealthy home situations and I was exposed to the treatment practices that were necessary for these youth to become healthy. Unfortunately, I could relate with some of the situations these youth were going through with the poor relationships with their parents. I learned the ability to identify the art of manipulation, playing a victim role, the responsibility of accountability, and the unhealthy approaches to correcting an unhealthy relationship. So, I wasn't going to engage in the argument again. I didn't have it in me, and I wasn't going to just accept the blame for the past twenty years. There were times where I wanted my dad to be the parent and contact me, but that never happened. I have always been willing to talk, but more importantly to take accountability for my choices that could've been better. However, I wasn't going to take accountability for everything that occurred, because it takes two to disagree.
I write this today, because I miss having the other side of my family. My last name is Sarych and I feel so disconnected from this family name. I miss everyone in the Sarych family and I have much respect for all of you. I would like to reopen my relationships with this side of the family, I just don't know where I stand with all of you. I don't know what my dad has told you and how much blame was placed on me. I am at a point in my life where I know how to be appropriate and respectful, and I also know how to hold people accountable for their choices, including my own. If you knew me, you would know that I don't have time for drama. Our society is so full of drama and people tend to get hung up on it and that is just not me. I am one who looks forward and understands that what has occurred in the past can't be undone. I wish it was different. I can only hope that from this moment on and moving forward that my family on the Sarych side wants to interact with me again. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this, I miss my family on the Sarych side. I cannot promise that I will ever have a relationship with my dad ever again, because there needs to be accountability on both sides, but I guess I am wondering if anyone, that I am reaching out to, is still interested in reconnecting with me? I would like to know. I am Facebook friends with Debbie, Karen, and Jeff and they will receive this first. I hope they pass it on to everyone else in the Sarych Family who knows me. I have wanted to do this for sometime, but I had to be in the right frame of mind to talk about this, some of which is very uncomfortable. I look forward to hearing from all of you and I hope all is well
Tim Sarych
#family
I had a falling out with my father when I was just eighteen years old. When I graduated high school, I really was a lost graduate. My parents went through an ugly divorce, which I was put in the middle of often, and no one had any money saved for me to attend college. My parents were both making enough money financially where I was unable to qualify for any type of financial aid. Being 18 years old and having the stress of college cost placed on you is daunting.
I attempted to make best of the situation. I decided to start my college life by attending a cheaper option of North Hennepin Community College, and I was fine with that. I talked with my dad about being able to work for him at his auto body shop around my college classes. This was agreed on and this plan actually went into action. Everything was going well, and I was young and willing to help. It was also exposing me to the auto body industry to see if this was an interest I had for the future. After a couple of months of employment at my dad's shop, his detailer was no longer employed at the shop and my dad looked to me to handle the responsibility of detailing the cars right before they went back to the customer. I was ok with this and it was a skill I was willing to learn.
Then there was one day when I was out back behind the shop on a slower business day helping my dad with some of his personal belongings that he had stored on the property. One of the things that we were moving on this day was that big giant satellite dish that he used to have in the yard of his Maple Grove home that was on Rice Lake. It was obsolete and he was getting rid of it. It was huge, it was heavy, and I was caught off guard at how heavy it was. While I was standing on the trailer that was connected to his truck or whatever he was using to pull the trailer. While I was lifting this heavy thing of metal, my dad pulled the truck slightly ahead. This caused me to lose my grip of this heavy satellite dish, and forced me to act quick so this thing didn't land on top of me. After the satellite dish was secure, I got off the trailer and was in sudden pain as I took my first step. I knew something wasn't right, and I don't like going to the doctor. The pain persisted so I had to go to the doctor to see what had happened. In your hip you have a bursa sac that protects the hip joint and I had a diagnosis of tearing my right bursa sac. The treatment required for this injury was to participate in physical therapy for two or three times a week for 8 to 12 weeks. If you know me, I am not one to baby myself or cry foul at any little injury. After the diagnosis and treatment suggestions, I went back to my dad and told him what I needed to do. He was unwilling to work with me and simply told me that it wasn't going to work because he needed a detailer. So, that was the end of my employment with his business and there was no follow up attempt to talk about things or fix things.
I won't lie, I was hurt and angry and I was 18 years old and didn't understand why my own dad didn't want to see if I was ok or why he didn't want this fixed. I moved on in life and just accepted the cards that had been dealt to me. Prior to this, I feel I had a strong relationship with everyone on the Sarych side of the family, and everyone treated me with respect and I missed that.
I went through many years of being lost and not having much of a support system and that was hard. At the time when I went through it, I didn't realize how much it was affecting me or how truly lost I had become because of it.
Then there was my sister Molly. I knew that she was too young to understand what was going on and I hated the fact that I lost my relationship with my sister because of these actions.
In my communications with my dad in the last five years that we were in communication, he was very good about not accepting responsibility for his part. I admit it, I was 18 years old... I was a young, dumb kid that probably had a big ego and probably acted like I knew everything, just like many 18 year olds do. So, I didn't try to fix it, because I knew the stance my dad was going to take, which blaming me for what had went down. Instead of blowing it out of proportion and "making a scene", I just let it go. At the time, I felt I didn't have many options. I wish my dad had been more willing to give me more options.
I got married in the 2006. I hadn't sent out any invitations to the Sarych Family because of where things currently stood. I honestly felt like my dad had given his version of the story to everyone in the family and that is the story that was going to be believed. I felt that if I took an attempt to tell my side... I felt like I wouldn't have been heard, because I felt like I didn't have a voice and that people wouldn't care. So, a couple of weeks prior to my wedding, my wife Kari wanted me to reach out to my dad because she felt that it was important to invite him and give him the choice to be at his son's wedding. So, I did. It is hard to reconnect with someone after so many years, especially when there hadn't been one attempt to contact me. I was hurt, but I respected my wife's wishes and I got a hold of my dad to meet prior to the wedding. We met at Maynard's Restaurant in Rogers, MN and it didn't go well. My dad was upset with me, blaming me for the falling out, and blaming me for the affect that the falling out had on Molly. This is not what I wanted to address at this meeting as this was the first time my dad was meeting my wife. At one point, it got so heated that I had to get up and walk out of the restaurant. I was pissed off. I didn't understand why this had to continue on. I didn't understand why my dad wanted to battle with me. I didn't know if it was a carry over from the ugly divorce with my mom, I just didn't know. My wife ended up telling my dad that she was the one that wanted to meet him prior to us getting married and that I made the effort to contact him and try to make this a go and a positive experience and also to try and move forward from the past. It didn't go that way.
I still invited him to the wedding and I was especially excited to see my Uncle Joe, Uncle David, and Aunt Frosty at my wedding. I really missed them and was thrilled to have them all the way up in Baudette, Minnesota (six hours north of the Twin Cities) to celebrate my big day with me. I remember that I spent most of one night sitting in the hotel room visiting with the Sarych's. I missed that.
It has been almost 10 years since my wedding day and there still has been no progress in improving my relationship with my dad. I have basically written off the opportunity to fix it and that is sad. I work with kids everyday and I see how important a dad is and I often ask myself why I never got to have that after I was 18. There were a few encounters where I ran into my dad at places. There was an encounter at a local bar and grill just north of Milaca in 2011. The bar and grill was just about a mile from our new home that we purchased in 2010. When I saw him, I said hello and invited him to come down the road to see our first new home. My dad responded with, "maybe some other time" and left. I was hurt.
I most recently ran into my dad last fall at Broadway Pizza in Garrison, Minnesota and I was notified by my wife that he was sitting on the other side of the wall in the restaurant. I could have very easily avoided my dad, but I chose not to. I said hello, I shook his hand, and I was respectful. We did small talk about life, but several times he asked me how many years it had been since we talked. I could tell by the conversation that this was an attempt to continue the disastrous conversation that took place at Maynard's 10 years ago, and I wasn't going to engage in that. In the 10 years since that conversation, I worked with youth in a treatment setting that went through very abusive and unhealthy home situations and I was exposed to the treatment practices that were necessary for these youth to become healthy. Unfortunately, I could relate with some of the situations these youth were going through with the poor relationships with their parents. I learned the ability to identify the art of manipulation, playing a victim role, the responsibility of accountability, and the unhealthy approaches to correcting an unhealthy relationship. So, I wasn't going to engage in the argument again. I didn't have it in me, and I wasn't going to just accept the blame for the past twenty years. There were times where I wanted my dad to be the parent and contact me, but that never happened. I have always been willing to talk, but more importantly to take accountability for my choices that could've been better. However, I wasn't going to take accountability for everything that occurred, because it takes two to disagree.
I write this today, because I miss having the other side of my family. My last name is Sarych and I feel so disconnected from this family name. I miss everyone in the Sarych family and I have much respect for all of you. I would like to reopen my relationships with this side of the family, I just don't know where I stand with all of you. I don't know what my dad has told you and how much blame was placed on me. I am at a point in my life where I know how to be appropriate and respectful, and I also know how to hold people accountable for their choices, including my own. If you knew me, you would know that I don't have time for drama. Our society is so full of drama and people tend to get hung up on it and that is just not me. I am one who looks forward and understands that what has occurred in the past can't be undone. I wish it was different. I can only hope that from this moment on and moving forward that my family on the Sarych side wants to interact with me again. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this, I miss my family on the Sarych side. I cannot promise that I will ever have a relationship with my dad ever again, because there needs to be accountability on both sides, but I guess I am wondering if anyone, that I am reaching out to, is still interested in reconnecting with me? I would like to know. I am Facebook friends with Debbie, Karen, and Jeff and they will receive this first. I hope they pass it on to everyone else in the Sarych Family who knows me. I have wanted to do this for sometime, but I had to be in the right frame of mind to talk about this, some of which is very uncomfortable. I look forward to hearing from all of you and I hope all is well
Tim Sarych
#family
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Christmas Was A Little More Merry This Year
This year Christmas was different in 2015. First, it was the first time of spending Christmas at home in Minnesota in about a decade. I don't mind traveling at all, in fact I really enjoy traveling, but traveling at Christmas can really tally up the expenses at time of year when with a higher level of financial requirements. The other main reason being that I took a new job this past fall and I simply don't have the same amount of time off as I once did. That really threw a wrench in things, but it was my choosing when I decided to change jobs.
So, the holidays this year started off with a visit to WWE's Monday Night Raw on Monday, December 21st, 2015. I went with my brother, Chris Savoren, and my cousin, Billy Savoren. It was a lot of fun and I think this tradition will continue as more RAWs come to town.
I, then, was able to take a vacation day in combination with some overage worked from the prior week to go to my mom's house on Wednesday, December 23rd. This was the first Christmas my wife and I attended at my mom's since 2014. Back in early November of this year, shortly after the passing of my late grandfather, people finally came together to sort out some differences. While not all participants were in attendance, the bulk of the issues, at least everything that involved the people in attendance was sorted out. I knew it would come together if people would just make the time to sit down and talk. It really only took about an hour or so to patch up some differences that affected relationships for 13 months. The sad reality with technology of our current era is that everything can get misinterpreted easily and also very quickly. If something is in all CAPS then people think they being yelled at. If someone says one thing, and it is read in a different way from a different viewpoint, then a conflict has started. It is really sad because it can make the world so lonely and conflicted.
This blog did contribute to the issues that occurred this past year within my family. However, I don't regret it and I don't regret it for a couple of reasons. The first being that it brought people together to discuss some very tough issues that have been avoided for over two decades. The second reason is because this blog has allowed me to express my feelings in forum where I was able to do it uninterrupted. Many of the topics that caused the issues, often times were not allowed to be discussed or off the table. Had I not started this blog, all these feelings would've been kept inside still eating at me, which is not healthy.
The lesson here today is that it is okay to sit down and talk about differences. If it is done respectfully and if people keep an open mind, then all viewpoints and opinions can be shared, seen, and heard. I will continue to be honest about my feelings with this blog. I will also continue to do it respectfully. If respect is not maintained, then it is suddenly a behavior. If a behavior is occurring then the reactions of that behavior becomes the focus, instead of the topic at hand.
So, Christmas was a much better version in 2015 than 2014. I reunited with some family, I got to spend a Christmas at home, and some long lasting issues were maybe not totally resolved, but there is a much better understanding on everyone's views.
I love my wife. I love my dogs. I miss and think about my grandma and grandpa everyday since my grandpa, Ellsworth Thomey, passed away in late October. Please watch over me grandma and grandpa.
One last plug. Make sure to check out the Bjorn Jobnson Internet Program podcast as I will be a guest on the podcast in the near future. It was a lot of fun talking with Bjorn and it is a great way to get to know even more about me. If you have an iPhone or iPad, click on the Podcast App, open it, and search the Bjorn Johnson Internet Program. It's easy.
If I didn't get a chance to see you during that holiday season, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I will see you soon.
#merrychristmas
So, the holidays this year started off with a visit to WWE's Monday Night Raw on Monday, December 21st, 2015. I went with my brother, Chris Savoren, and my cousin, Billy Savoren. It was a lot of fun and I think this tradition will continue as more RAWs come to town.
I, then, was able to take a vacation day in combination with some overage worked from the prior week to go to my mom's house on Wednesday, December 23rd. This was the first Christmas my wife and I attended at my mom's since 2014. Back in early November of this year, shortly after the passing of my late grandfather, people finally came together to sort out some differences. While not all participants were in attendance, the bulk of the issues, at least everything that involved the people in attendance was sorted out. I knew it would come together if people would just make the time to sit down and talk. It really only took about an hour or so to patch up some differences that affected relationships for 13 months. The sad reality with technology of our current era is that everything can get misinterpreted easily and also very quickly. If something is in all CAPS then people think they being yelled at. If someone says one thing, and it is read in a different way from a different viewpoint, then a conflict has started. It is really sad because it can make the world so lonely and conflicted.
This blog did contribute to the issues that occurred this past year within my family. However, I don't regret it and I don't regret it for a couple of reasons. The first being that it brought people together to discuss some very tough issues that have been avoided for over two decades. The second reason is because this blog has allowed me to express my feelings in forum where I was able to do it uninterrupted. Many of the topics that caused the issues, often times were not allowed to be discussed or off the table. Had I not started this blog, all these feelings would've been kept inside still eating at me, which is not healthy.
The lesson here today is that it is okay to sit down and talk about differences. If it is done respectfully and if people keep an open mind, then all viewpoints and opinions can be shared, seen, and heard. I will continue to be honest about my feelings with this blog. I will also continue to do it respectfully. If respect is not maintained, then it is suddenly a behavior. If a behavior is occurring then the reactions of that behavior becomes the focus, instead of the topic at hand.
So, Christmas was a much better version in 2015 than 2014. I reunited with some family, I got to spend a Christmas at home, and some long lasting issues were maybe not totally resolved, but there is a much better understanding on everyone's views.
I love my wife. I love my dogs. I miss and think about my grandma and grandpa everyday since my grandpa, Ellsworth Thomey, passed away in late October. Please watch over me grandma and grandpa.
One last plug. Make sure to check out the Bjorn Jobnson Internet Program podcast as I will be a guest on the podcast in the near future. It was a lot of fun talking with Bjorn and it is a great way to get to know even more about me. If you have an iPhone or iPad, click on the Podcast App, open it, and search the Bjorn Johnson Internet Program. It's easy.
If I didn't get a chance to see you during that holiday season, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I will see you soon.
#merrychristmas
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